It's starts slowly
First a rising of unease
Not anything to speak of, as yet
A sense that there is unbalance in the distance
But hey.. on we go, right?
We're here to have fun
In this press
Tall bodies jostle and push
A wall of human, oblivious to my smallness
Dances his way into collision
That ******* soaked my everything with
my gingerly carried beer
****
The unbalance approaches.. cautiously
I see that shadow, feel the mists rise
Bit my lip and try anger instead
And blithely follow J to our friend
Ensconced in the front
Under a speaker stack
Bass reverberating through us
As the opening chords start
Now the panic sets in..
Too many people
Just drink... drink all the beer
Don't think about it
Don't stand to close
Try to carve out a space from the
Tower of anxiety
Slowly growing around me
Clawing at my psyche
With its rusty nails
Don't think, don't look it in the eye
To late.. the low frequencies crush my lungs
Too loud too many people
I can't even move
Can't..breathe
The eye slowly turns towards  
It's heavy grey gaze grazes me
An oily fear wells up within
The crush sets in
Have to escape
Have to get out.. not later.. NOW
Tears well up
My friends guide me to out to halfway
"Is this ok?"
The crush laughs
"NO"  I bark
And we make it outside
With a shuddering chest I try
To calm and then the fingers of Why
Poke at me
No one talks about the overwhelming guilt
The shame that cuts within
'God, I've ruined their nights'
'This is so dumb'
'Why do I have to be like this
'Why don't I love the struggle anymore'
'Why can't I just be normal'
But the only thing I can say it
"I'm sorry for being like this"
Like normal is a jacket you can throw on as a finishing touch to the ensemble
We miss most of the concert
But the imbalance is slowly chased away
With kind words
"****, lady we'd never leave you like this"
A puff of a spliff
We make it back for the encore
and they quip
"It's when they play the best songs anyway"