I'm tired of people telling me to stay patient
and get through it.

I'm tired of people asking me what is wrong with me.

I'm tired of people asking me what is it that I want.

I'm tired of people asking me how am I doing.

I'm tired of waking up.

I'm tired of surviving.

I'm tired.

The difference between you and me is my nightmares begin when I wake up.

My mind is fighting to end this suffering and my body is pushing to get through one more day.

I know I'm suppose to do a lot of things.

I know I'm suppose to write daily.

I know I'm suppose to read daily.

I know I'm suppose to be social.

I know I'm suppose to smile.

I know I'm suppose to be patient.

I know it all but I can't do it. I can't.
Why don't people understand that I just can't!

That I'm terrified of every living moment.

That I have panic and anxiety attacks.

And trying to get through those attacks while maintaining a decent demeanour consumes all my energy.

To be alone in this fight is difficult.

To die a bit every day is painful.

I can't tell you what is wrong with me.
I DON'T KNOW what is wrong with me!

I cry all day, everyday.

The screams inside me are deafening but my tears are silent.

I see the confidence with which you tell me I'm overreacting.
It saddens me that you can't see what I'm going through.

Things are not good and I don't have the sight to see them get better any time soon...

All I see is darkness.
All I want to do is sleep until it gets better.

My mind and body are at war with me and, this time, I think I'll just let them win.