Jan 2017
Almost ten years its been .It seems like another life.
I think back and it's like watching a memory with a distorted perception.
For this mental deception. guilt feels like a knife.
Why is it blurry and Why are moments void? Why do I forget your voice?Memories I unknowingly destroyed.
I know I care to remember . I know it's easier to forget. But everything you taught me, the wisdom you gave me, the happiness you showed me; I'm forever in your debt.
With so little in hand you had a plan . Foreign surroundings and customs to adapt. Still your dignity, your pride, and your family; it was all kept intact.
The way you diciplined me or even gave me a reward. I hated it at the moment yet only now i realize it was total love you poured.
Now it's years too late. I never even said goodbye. Written on our foreheads is our predetermined destiny you said. Superstition? Maybe just a lie.
If your story was written down it'd be a cruel one, don't you think? If the man upstairs had this planned all along. He made a chain with a broken link.
You gave me 16 years of your life which is all I knew. The path you paved for me was made, but i needed your guidance too.
A point where a boy becomes a man is where we came to a halt. I needed you Dad, I know leaving wasn't your fault.
Who's to blame for a tragic and unexpected loss at such a comfortable state? "This was God's own will" you'd say.. You'd blame it all on fate.
But today it hit me. We all have plans and dreams we aspire. This fate you faced was real. You suffered so long and Now it's time you retire.
I know you're still working where ever you are. The amount of times you saved me spiritually from afar.
You never really left which is why this pain has stuck. You live in me Dad and my life has run amuck.
I hope youre not looking down and wondering where you went wrong. I don't blame anyone but myself. It was me all along.
I promise that one day ill be the son you always believed in. It's taking me some time but my patience is wearing thin.
It's a path you set out. It's a path i may have strayed. Success is my goal. The timing a bit delayed.
I may have some doubts and I may have some fear. But with you always beside me. My destiny comes near.
I wrote this all because I felt it had to be done. I needed to explain that no matter what, I'll forever be your son.
I think back and it's like watching a memory with a distorted perception.
For this mental deception. guilt feels like a knife.
Why is it blurry and Why are moments void? Why do I forget your voice?Memories I unknowingly destroyed.
I know I care to remember . I know it's easier to forget. But everything you taught me, the wisdom you gave me, the happiness you showed me; I'm forever in your debt.
With so little in hand you had a plan . Foreign surroundings and customs to adapt. Still your dignity, your pride, and your family; it was all kept intact.
The way you diciplined me or even gave me a reward. I hated it at the moment yet only now i realize it was total love you poured.
Now it's years too late. I never even said goodbye. Written on our foreheads is our predetermined destiny you said. Superstition? Maybe just a lie.
If your story was written down it'd be a cruel one, don't you think? If the man upstairs had this planned all along. He made a chain with a broken link.
You gave me 16 years of your life which is all I knew. The path you paved for me was made, but i needed your guidance too.
A point where a boy becomes a man is where we came to a halt. I needed you Dad, I know leaving wasn't your fault.
Who's to blame for a tragic and unexpected loss at such a comfortable state? "This was God's own will" you'd say.. You'd blame it all on fate.
But today it hit me. We all have plans and dreams we aspire. This fate you faced was real. You suffered so long and Now it's time you retire.
I know you're still working where ever you are. The amount of times you saved me spiritually from afar.
You never really left which is why this pain has stuck. You live in me Dad and my life has run amuck.
I hope youre not looking down and wondering where you went wrong. I don't blame anyone but myself. It was me all along.
I promise that one day ill be the son you always believed in. It's taking me some time but my patience is wearing thin.
It's a path you set out. It's a path i may have strayed. Success is my goal. The timing a bit delayed.
I may have some doubts and I may have some fear. But with you always beside me. My destiny comes near.
I wrote this all because I felt it had to be done. I needed to explain that no matter what, I'll forever be your son.
RIP Dad. Love you.
