You know what I am constantly afraid of every time you don't answer your phone or text me back. I'm afraid that just like that, in a blink of an eye everything changed for you. I'm afraid you decided to go back to her, to make it easier. I'm afraid you found someone new and exciting that you vibe with and decided they were better. I'm afraid that just like every time before you, I still wasn't good enough. Do you know what it's like to live in a constant fear like that? To be afraid every time the phone rings or every time you get a message that everything you found comfort in, everything you wanted was just gone? Every single time I get a picture from her, a message from her, it makes me second guess you. It's probably what she wants, but it's working. I should have never gotten this far into it with you. I should have stayed away. I should have listened to the warnings of my family, my friends, and my gut. I should have payed attention to the red flags that continuously showed up. I should have never let myself fall like this for you. Because it's the kind of fear that will give you sleepless nights, the kind that makes you lose your appetite, your drive, your ambition. It's a crippling fear.

I remember there was a time when I knew I would be okay if you did make that sudden decision. It would be a decision you weren't first to make. I remember when the sound of your lies didn't soothe my anxiety. I remember when I could see right through it all. But now, I feel all of this fear at once, because if you were to change your mind within the hours of silence I don't know what I would do. I don't know if I could handle something like that again and the thought of that scares me so badly.