it's been almost a month
and three weeks since you've left me,
and almost a month and
two weeks since you've gotten with her
and goddamn,
I've been waiting for you to take me back,
but you don't.
and trust me when I say
I truly am happy for you,
I am,
and I truly do think that she's better for you,
and I have no problem with you speaking of her,
but I can't help but feel a sink in my chest
when you pause our conversation
to read a text from her.
I can't help but feel a little shatter in my chest
as you form that ever so enchanting smile
on your face,
and I can't help but push back the tears in my eyes,
when I see your fingers sprint around the letters on your phone
as you respond ever so intently,
and I can't help but think,
"that probably used to me."
but I smile.
I feel so much, yet I smile and think
"it's okay," because you're supposed to be happy
for the person you love right? So I smile.
but I'm sad, and I shatter a little every day
because she's perfect and I'm not.
I'm a little too hard to handle,
a little too hard to understand,
a little too complicated
but I she's not.
and I cry and depend on razors
a little bit too much,
but she prays and depends on her bible.
and I'm a little too contradictory
and a little too confused,
but she's not.
and so, she's better for you, and not me.
and so I smile.
I smiled when you forgot our lunch session
because you were too busy spending it with her.
I smiled when you forgot to check up on me,
because you probably were too busy
checking up on her.
and I'll always smile
but I'll always shatter inside because
I love you, but you'll always be too busy
loving her.