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mygreatestescape Dec 2021
under tables he begged first for scraps
scorn the loving hand
big wide saucers
eyed up and down
you leaving and him following
with a bird in its mouth
- did the night take you
did they have you for dinner
at midnight when you crossed
the tracks
walking beside shadows
did they take you

did they take you?
smashing bowls over heads
and the dog still waiting
hands clasped open
it’s maws

is the bird alive or not
the last time I saw
I was horrible
taking spins in the car
you dragged me by my hair
and showed me what was love

we were two moonbeams dancing
on the cusp of our death
and i’ve burnt out for you
a million nights since you left
mygreatestescape Sep 2021
in heaven too
she cries only of this earth
and all her dreams are worldly still

if you are here already; stay a while
so the earth my seem less like prison
and more like boundless sky

writing as if to save a life
keeping death alive
for we live through the dead
as much as they live through us

you are walking and catch a glimpse of yourself
your hair, and your face not beautiful but perfect still
there are moment then when you feel alive
do you remember yourself as much as you remember others?
write poetry for how much you missed being you

no one understands who you are
you have to make a you that understands
like a little bird singing from the branches of your heart
you have to sing a song that only you know the words to

for no one else is living for you
only you are

there is a house
where we put away our hatred
and its walls are tiny
but tinier yet are its windows
you’re letting time
determine your ability
and turning to stone slowly

you keep your dead love alive
in another house
and you love so deeply
you get carried away in it

you live in the hair of your lover
and breathe when they breathe
you **** your self little by little to be someone
to anybody

I am not a poet Tulsa
I am a weak willed person
trying to hold all of life
in my weak willed arms
I wanted to hold it
and I wanted to face everything
scary because
I was walking one day when
a sudden rush hit me that everything
was possible and it was
almost unbearable
it was almost unbearable how
full of life I was at that moment

I wanted to try
I wanted to try
what is it with that and never being enough.
mygreatestescape Sep 2021
I am tired of giving
sacrifice does not feel gratuitous
I am bent at the waist tired
I am tired of giving
I will be evil now.
mygreatestescape Sep 2021
I bow my head and hide my tears from you
my ancestors swim in my bones
they cover my skin with a thousand years of
history forgotten
they dose me in their womb
and tell me to grow again
I bow and bow and bow and cry
my face ashamed
my race defines me then
so far I bow my skin raptures
and reveals my ivory spine
I awake rivers rising within
me
we all return to the earth
but I return to water
I am a fish drowning
rooted in decay
two lovers meeting
who created my
line my name
not even a bit is mine
my ancestors swimming in my bones
they ask me where it hurts
holding the moon in their hands
tell us where it hurts our dove
they say
and we will spread light there
they also say

but I am being carried further away
by the blistering angry brute
of a sun
and I crumble piece by piece

find me
my son my sun
find me
I am dying in a canvas
in the background
mi vida please look past the colours
mi vida mi vida
my heart is stuck in a clock forever in that moment
find me
before the sun eats me
before the paint fades.
mygreatestescape Sep 2021
the wax of new love has melted
and revealed itself like a sabotage
I am burning out and yet you love me
say it with your lips
say it once
people ruining beautiful things
loud voices
I felt your joy like it was mine
did you feel my pain the same beloved?
it’s been a year since I saw you
so of course I would cry like a child in your arms
if you leave again what will I do? you asked it with your mind
I could see it in your eyes
the leaving had already consumed you

I will grow again
a flower
who’s fragrance will carry my love to you
who’s death will birth a
thousand more flowers
who will sing to you when I am gone

all the reasons why I loved you
none for beauty
all for pain

the ocean has left the shore
and has come with me
to beg you to stay
it takes the shape of a woman
and wails louder than my own soul


I used to be concerned with the politics of the world
now I can barely move my body
or think past this mind numbing fog

my heart unfurling
all but a metaphor
- a hand lonely
a god dies in a
me

and another one takes its place
mygreatestescape Aug 2021
kamikaze
my rage is anarchy
do you see how it melts off
when i’m with you
I am standing in the midst of our joy
pick up the phone love
I just need to hear your voice
I love you more than my soul
it is true
I wish to have two hearts
one to carry your sorrow your worries
the other to carry my love for you

No creas que no eres importante
Al contrario, yo te amé con toda el alma

.
do not believe that you're not important
     on the contrary, I love you with all my soul
mygreatestescape Aug 2021
I am not good enough
do you know even in my dreams
I am not me, my name and my voice
are the same
I am prettier and you desire me
you want me because I am beautiful finally
even in my dreams I am not myself at all
I have no concept of who I am
I am this tapestry of bloodied hopes
not even the first blood could make me beautiful
in my future I am I am I am
pretty and you love me for nothing beyond that
I do not want validation I want your
love
what’s the point of kindness
without any aspect of beauty
you’d look past it if I could keep my
skin from slipping off to reveal my ugliness

even in my dreams I am not me

I want to walk away from it all
I ******* hate you
and myself for being weak


even in my ******* dreams I am not me
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