Why are you hurting when we're talking about your future with him?*
Because this is all it will ever be, a conversation. There won't be follow-up steps or updates, nothing. It will all stop here. We'll just make plans but i won't ever be able tell him about these nor will he be able to make them happen.
This is all it will be γ ‘some hope to hold on to but it's too fragile to carry my heart. And it's better to be hurting now than to hope and be hurt more later.