And I remember
The look in her eyes
When I explained that I hated her,
But it was a lie.

And I remember feeling the guilt
For the way I tried to save her,
But it was the only way
That I knew how.

And I regret trying
To do what I did,
But I cannot change the past
And I cannot change who I was.

And as much as I tried
To seek out forgiveness
She revoked it
Like a toy from an undeserving child.

I will always hold you
To a higher standard
Than others.
And for what I did,
I will hold myself
Even higher.

She probably won't ever understand
The point that intrusive thoughts drive you to,
Or how blackened my mind had become,
But I trust that as long as I can
Work towards
Forgiving myself,
I can be better.