We are quick to talk about the day like
How zen we're feeling or
what we saw on the news
Mother, you ask how I am doing
and pause when you ask if I am anxious cause I
know you're afraid that I'll say yes
So I don't tell you when I stay in my apartment for days on end or
how he broke my heart cause
those are all reminders of how things were

I've nearly forgotten about the divorce and
cancer and
death cause
Right now is too much to handle
I'm scared I'll end up alone and
not in the common sense but instead
without companionship cause
my friends keep leaving
But you, mother you keep staying so I'll keep
telling you bout the weather and
what I made for lunch

Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just
let myself fail
Drop out of school and work
like the people I thought I'd grow old with
Maybe they'd still love me if
I wasn't zooming past them
I've travelled to more countries than they have states and I love them regardless of course but
I'm not sure they love me regardless
Maybe I'm too much or
Not enough or
we just can't relate anymore
I spend more time studying and sober
than I do with liquor so
maybe our priorities aren't the same but
I'm not sure why that's reason enough to
up and leave
can't you see I'm still the same me
just me manifesting my dreams
I'm here I haven't left
I never thought that leaving for college would
mean people would leave my life

Mother, I know things change but
This wasn't as I planned
These girls were supposed to be my surrogate sisters
We promised
they promised
So why'd they leave
Mom please don't leave