Where in the heck are my glasses?
I've seemed to look everywhere.
Everywhere that is, but in front of my eyes.

Where in the heck is my cell phone?
I've seemed to look everywhere.
Everywhere, maybe, except my own pocket.

Where in the heck is my nice, new pen?
I've seemed to look everywhere.
Everywhere, yes, but not by my ear.

Where in the serious heck is my hat?
I've seemed to look everywhere.
Everywhere, sure, though still not on my hair.

Where in the heck? Please, seriously,
Someone tell me what is going on.
I can't stand losing all my stuff,
And right now it all seems to be gone.

Where in the heck did everything go?
I can only find my wife.
And she says if I can't find my things,
She thinks I've lost my life.