My heart has carried a great deal;

chains of causation, a thousand lies and countless sufferings.

Day by day, it continues to clench like a fist;

enclosed to all outside trappings, protected to the cold of winter.

At night and day, I hardly feel the outside;

only mere semblances and traces of feeling, touch and bliss.

I yearn for the days when I used to feel —

used to see how it was to breathe in all entirety —

flow with the grace of my body.

I yearn so much.

Yet in all my yearning, my heart closes itself to all it does not want --

pain, suffering, resistance, anger, agony, sadness.

How do I yearn and yet stay open?

Feel without enclosing?

Experience without succumbing?