She messaged me last night,
Telling me she was proud of me.
A little surprised by how far I've come.
This whole growing up thing.

It took me off guard,
And I responded as kindly
As I could manage,
Without sounding off-put
Or surprised.

I told her that I'm seeing him tonight,
(My Bluebird)
And she offered up a couch for him to crash on,
Because she doesn't know we're spending the night together,
Because it never came up.

But still, despite the shock,
I'm so excited.
I'm antsy and feeling the need to pace back and forth
If my eyelids didn't feel like
Lead.

I get to see my Bluebird
Tonight and I'm excited.
I get to see him,
Talk with him,
And meet some of his friends.

But I'm a little shaken up,
I woke up at midnight
In a cold sweat.
I want to hold your hand,
I want to see your smile, and hear your laugh,
And I'm so confused.

I don't know if this is me doing well,
Or if this is me finally catching a break.
I'm not sure if all these good things
Are due to my efforts,
Or some higher power saying
"Okay okay, give her a break."

I just want to be
The best me
I am capable of being.

Let's hope I can.

Bluebird,
Because I know you're going to read this,
I hope you know how excited I am
For this weekend
And spending this time with you.