It's the after taste of the handful of pills you take,
Every day,
Every night.

It's the headache you get after you cry,
Tears you didn't even know  you had.

It's the chalky sensation,
Of the pills in your chest.

It's the heart burn in your ribcage
That burns into your throat.

It's the vicious pain in your wrists,
Before the blade hits.

It's the hyperventilation that keeps you from seeing.

But it's the moment you realize,
That death is not painful,
Nor is it a release.

It's the eerie sense of calm,
Before the storm sets in.

You feel nothing.
You think nothing but
"This is it."

You feel as though everything has built up
To this point.

That everything you love
Has fallen apart.

It's the moment of fear that comes after,
When you decide that it was wrong
When you decide you don't want this,
When you realize what you've done.

It's getting pushed around by nurses,
After you tell them why you're there.

It's being told "You deserve this"
By the people you thought cared.

So call me a **** up.
Call me a monster.

But don't you dare call me a coward.

I have looked Death in the face and refused his offers.

I have chosen life and light above Death and Darkness.

I have come over the hill and back again,
And made amends and seen the truth.

What is right is not always easy, and what is easy is not always right.