Growing up
I was taught that hate is such a big word
I was taught that I only hated the devil
That I only hated what kills me
That I hated what harms everyone
That I only “disliked” things
That it is not hate that I feel all the time.
Until I turned 16..
When I looked at myself in the mirror
And decided that hate.. is not a big word
That the anger and sorrow inside me
Is not sadness
The anger and sorrow inside me
Transformed me into a person
That love disowns.
I learned that the rage burning within me
Killed the soul I once had
And replaced it by the demonic thoughts that
I thought I hated.
I understood that the regret I had
Killed every cell in me and nothing-
Nothing in this universe could ever get them back.
I realized that hate was not something taught
it was something you develop
it is something that slowly takes over you
engulfs you until you find no justification
except in it’s corners.
I learned that slowly I became the devil
I once hated.
I became the person my mother
asked me to stay away from
because the hate inside me
hurt no one
except my own dying soul.
I realized that the rage, the sorrow, the betrayal
Transformed the love I once had
Into a never ending lump of darkness and hate.