May 2016
Tonight I'll stand on the ledge
Stare down at the rocks below
Watch as the waves crash in and kiss the shore
The ones I've stared down at one too many times
And I'll fantasize about the fall
And the blood
And the carnage
It comes in waves, you know
And I never see it coming
Tonight I will show no mercy
But according to you I never have
According to you I am selfish and unkind
But my dear, I've always tried to give that to you
I am honest but not always open
I tell you the bare minimum
The superficial things
Because I don't know how to speak
To say those things out loud
To describe the pain inside
And I wont break your heart in order to fix mine
Tonight I'll play the martyr
I'll take all the blame
I'll carry that burden
And I won't say a word
I thought she'd go away
But It's almost been two years
I convinced myself that if I pretended it was all okay
It would be with time
There is a fire in me
Raging through my veins
Growing higher and higher with each trespass
And it's not dying down
Tonight I will stay quiet
Ill hear your silent pleas
That high pitched screaming
The one that only dogs can hear
"It's the atoms settling in"
Ringing in my head
As the blood drips from each ear I am calm
It is silent for a while
Until you've caught your breath
Your resentment seeping from your pores
Tonight I will not fight
For I am selfish in your eyes
A monster in disguise
Plotting my revenge and playing nice
Growling at you with your heart between my teeth
Always threatening to bite down
Daring you to make a move
Showing no sense of remorse or empathy
Is that really how you see me?
Tonight I'll pick up the pieces
Pack up the memories
And sort them one by one into nicely labeled boxes
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
It is always the same
And I'm tired of fighting
Tired of going back and forth between taking your name and taking my things and leaving
And I know you are fully aware that when that happens I will not look back
And that scares you
Tonight I'll expose my soul to you
I will not hold back
I'm not one to show my emotions
To bare my scars to the onlooker
It took you 6 years to even get to know me
The person I truly was inside
You always leave me here
To cleanup what you leave behind
Tonight you will be angry with me
Until you meet my eye
And you're just left with the pain of the day
You push me away to test me
But baby, this isn't a game
I can't guess what you're thinking, nor should I have to
I've been honest with you
And always kept your best interest in mind
And maybe you don't like it
You'll say I'm merciless yet again
And I will gladly let you believe that
Because I know that's easier for you
Tonight we'll just pretend
Stare down at the rocks below
Watch as the waves crash in and kiss the shore
The ones I've stared down at one too many times
And I'll fantasize about the fall
And the blood
And the carnage
It comes in waves, you know
And I never see it coming
Tonight I will show no mercy
But according to you I never have
According to you I am selfish and unkind
But my dear, I've always tried to give that to you
I am honest but not always open
I tell you the bare minimum
The superficial things
Because I don't know how to speak
To say those things out loud
To describe the pain inside
And I wont break your heart in order to fix mine
Tonight I'll play the martyr
I'll take all the blame
I'll carry that burden
And I won't say a word
I thought she'd go away
But It's almost been two years
I convinced myself that if I pretended it was all okay
It would be with time
There is a fire in me
Raging through my veins
Growing higher and higher with each trespass
And it's not dying down
Tonight I will stay quiet
Ill hear your silent pleas
That high pitched screaming
The one that only dogs can hear
"It's the atoms settling in"
Ringing in my head
As the blood drips from each ear I am calm
It is silent for a while
Until you've caught your breath
Your resentment seeping from your pores
Tonight I will not fight
For I am selfish in your eyes
A monster in disguise
Plotting my revenge and playing nice
Growling at you with your heart between my teeth
Always threatening to bite down
Daring you to make a move
Showing no sense of remorse or empathy
Is that really how you see me?
Tonight I'll pick up the pieces
Pack up the memories
And sort them one by one into nicely labeled boxes
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
It is always the same
And I'm tired of fighting
Tired of going back and forth between taking your name and taking my things and leaving
And I know you are fully aware that when that happens I will not look back
And that scares you
Tonight I'll expose my soul to you
I will not hold back
I'm not one to show my emotions
To bare my scars to the onlooker
It took you 6 years to even get to know me
The person I truly was inside
You always leave me here
To cleanup what you leave behind
Tonight you will be angry with me
Until you meet my eye
And you're just left with the pain of the day
You push me away to test me
But baby, this isn't a game
I can't guess what you're thinking, nor should I have to
I've been honest with you
And always kept your best interest in mind
And maybe you don't like it
You'll say I'm merciless yet again
And I will gladly let you believe that
Because I know that's easier for you
Tonight we'll just pretend
