I wonder if she knows she's losing me,
My best friend reads my messages and forgets to reply,
Just as I scream out 'I want to die'
And I wonder if she knows how close she is to losing me.

I swallowed a box full of pills,
Swished a glass of whiskey in my mouth.
Still I haven't been allowed my easy out.
Every message I send feels like rocks in the pockets of the drowning,
I only sink ever deeper into this dark.
If I felt joy maybe I could smile at her jokes, her attempts at distraction,
But all I feel is this weight in my chest,
The weight of a heart that can never rest.

She tries to remind me of God,
of the love I should let surround me,
But I am incapable of comprehending an ethereal kind if love when even human affection remains a mystery to me.
How can I feel His love when I don't even feel worthy of human love,
When I reject the love of creatures that are here and palpable to me?

I wonder if she knows she's losing me.  
Can she see how hard I'm trying to let go of the dark parts?
Can I still have a best friend if I have no soul or heart?
And I wonder if she can tell that she has already lost me.