I love me, I love me not.

His hands around my neck,
And a weight
of the past
Slamming against my back
to the rhythm of my cries
I am stuck on repeat between
I feel nothing and I feel everything
But never enough.

I’d rather feel the ache between my legs of where he was
instead the ache in my chest of where I was.

So here I am yet again, a lone passenger on a burning ship,
With my back
to the fire that I have set myself,
only realizing my danger by the look
on everyone's faces back on shore
screaming at me to abandon ship.