all of these letters I write. all of these thoughts I think. all of these feelings I feel. all of these dreams I dream. all of these things you can't find it in you to care about. all my hopes for the future. all yours that never included me. all of these songs that skip on the word “stay”. all of the lyrics that should have reminded you of me. the tv that's never going to have the right channel. the bed that’s never going to be made. the heart that’s never getting the chance to be loved. the sky that's never going to stop raining. the rain that never fell on you. the way everything fell on me. all at once. just like the way an avalanche slides down a mountain. just like the way the fan is still spinning in mid december. the way I'm still trying. the way you don't want me to. the way forgetting feels like leaving. the way you wouldn't know the difference. the hands on the clock. they keep ticking. my hands. they keep shaking. you're not here to hold them. I bury my memories under flat pillows. you bury yours in the backyard. this sinking feeling. this dream. this nightmare. this game. the way I lose you. the way you never wanted me to win. the batting cages. the batter. the home run. the base. none of it being me. the way this feels too beginning to be an end. the way you don't care either way.