I used to always call you my angel
In my dreams, you have big white wings
Sometimes I remember the way your breath sounds and I feel a needle in my chest
You are still the "you" in my poems
And your presence lingers in all the right times, and all the wrong ones

I often wonder what it was like to be in love with a sad girl?
And I wonder if it is the reason you didn't want me anymore
I hear the word "my love" the way you say it over and over again in my head like a broken record breaking my brain cells
I am no longer yours

I'm losing who I am, or who I used to be
My dreams don't speak to me anymore, they left me the way birds leave in winter
And the way you left my cold eyes, my cold chest
The way you seem to leave everything but my sorrowful soul

I don't hope you're happy, because you always were
It was I and still it is I who suffers in silence and even in the day you left, you had a smile on your face
You didn't care, you never have
It's been 145 days
And I've been praying since for either you come home or you leave this miserable heart of mine at peace

I don't hope you're happy. In fact, I hope you're miserable
Because every time he kisses my hand and promises to stay something breaks in me
Every time he whispers "just trust me"
I remember how you spilled my trust from your hands all over the map and dissolved the red pins I had for you

It's funny how you were the only person I ever really fell in love with but you ended up making me puke my heart all over the bathroom floor.
You ask why do I miss you as if everything you did wasn't painful enough already
I often wonder, do you look at the stars and remember my passion for them?
Do you remember my raspy voice those late night calls?
Do I ever cross your mind or have it been so easy for me to dissolve?
Was I that easy to forget?