Numb.
I'm the careless, selfish person I never wanted to become.

Eighteen years of being alone has left me jaded and believing love doesn't ******* exist. Guys will settle for my body for a night with no intention of knowing my mind.

And, perhaps worse, some even stoop so low as to pretend to be interested in me - ask me about my family, my religion, my passion, my stance on politics - with the underlying intention to just use me and never speak to me again.

Those are the ruthless kind of boys who give ****** up, broken girls like me a glimmer of hope. There's nothing crueler than making the hopeless hopeful - earning their trust only to crush it again.

And now I can't look at the stars without thinking of him. I knew we'd never love each other, and was honestly only remotely attracted to him.

He was just the first boy to ever look at me that way - like I was something to be desired. He took what he wanted under a thin veil of respect, then left me staring at the stars and feeling like the stupid girl I am.

We were never meant to be in love.