I think
it's a known fact
most people with an
eating disorder
end up pulling away
and secluding
and closing off.
spending more time alone
and less time with
others.

what I don't think
is everyone knows
why
we do this

we're hiding
hiding from you
whoever you are
you are against us.
you are trying
to force the enemy
into our hands
and onto our plates
and into our mouths.

the more time I spend
around you
the more you will
notice.
notice the signs
and the loss
and the anger
and everything else
we so cautiously hide

but for me
anyway
seclusion was hiding
hiding from the enemy
protecting my guard
my so fragile confidence
what I felt
and how I saw myself.
the more I was around others
and the food-
God the food-
the more I realized I needed it

but in my heart
I didn't want it
so i hid
from my enemy
from myself
and from you