i don't understand why you don't want to live
when i sometimes just live for you -
i know what your inside looks like,
i know the cold blue mountains and their cliffs
and i have seen you fall off them, into
that deep black sea of sadness;
i know you're forgetting how to swim.
i do not think you know me just as well -
you cannot see the way i feel most days:
like your hands are the pillars of my mind
and your words are watering the valleys of my soul.
i am afraid that you will never know
and afraid that if you do, it's not enough
to keep you from wanting to stop your heart.


cs