Sober, am I really sober?

My mind has become idle
Even in this sobriety
That’s been gifted in pain
These hands have been worked
And my flesh is shedding
Along with the trees this fall
I’ve been sober for a while
But I’ve adopted a new high
A detrimental self-determined
Deterioration of myself
Trying to escape the reality
Of the life I’ve carved
In the midst of this whirlwind
I can only cling to the purity
That lingers in the silence
Before I shut my eyes for rest
When I’m lying in my bed
Beneath the lies I had told
With all the truth I painted blue
I can see the sober mind
That's sitting still in my head
With all the regrets  I long to toss
Into the pile of bones I buried
With the past I hope to forget
But I am shaped by this all
I am the product of a history
That was written by plenty
Only to be lived by one

In this sober body I call mine