That sense of shame,
the feeling of exposure,
as if someone had just cut off all of
your hair-
it can plague you.

There may not be a reason
as to why it pulls you,
why it drags you
in its direction
but you know it's there
and you know
you shouldn't have
said a word.

Because now he can see it
in you.
He can use it and twist it
and turn you into something
you don't want to be,

so you set up filters.

Block him from ever seeing it
again.
How can he use something
he doesn't even know about
against you?

He doesn't use it on purpose,
but his subconscious
and his
worried side
may.

You want him to know you,
you and all your qualities-
your brightness,
your darkness,
and everything in between,

but you can't.

You know that if you do,
everything might change
and you only have so long.

You don't want it to change.

So you keep it down,
turn it off,
make him smile,
forget your words.

But it doesn't get rid
of anything forever.

Trust me,

you've tried.