I’m sick of having to put a caveat on my weight.
It’s the asterisk that follows my body
that I can never seem to get rid of.
It says "Caution:
she may be beautiful and witty and smart
but her worth is negated by the size of her waistline."
I write that I am a large person in my online dating profile,
as if it were a trigger warning for men that otherwise might find me
Beautiful.
I don’t want to catch them off guard
I want to at least give them
the courtesy of knowing
that there is more to me then what will ever fit
on a 16 inch computer screen.
At least if I am the one to say it,
To judge my own worth,
I won’t be the punch line of their jokes.
Their blows won't land if I refuse
to step into the ring.
Even this though is dishonest.
If I were to really put myself out there,
My profile picture would be of my belly
Of my stretch marks,
Of the half moon curves of my stomach
that rest above my hips.
But I’m not sure that I’m ready to look,
to Honestly look
at myself for that long.
I used to avoid nakedness.
I hated being on top whenever I made love.
And I was always so aware
Of how malleable I really am.
I am soft of body and of heart
But now I like to think that means
That it's easier to melt into other people
To connect and hold and treasure and comfort
All at once.
There may be more of me
but there is more of me to give
After all, what is an asterisk but a star?