Took me 18 years to realize I didn't want to really live because I wasn't living.
You're not living when you feel like you're dying everyday.
You're not living when you break down & cut lines across your skin like tally marks.
You're not living when you can barely breathe.
You're not living.
But you're alive & there's nothing you can do about it.
Pain & suffer.
It's a game.
You're facing your own monsters because you learned they weren't hiding in your closet but instead they're hiding inside you.
You're fighting against your soul.
Your body.
You don't know how to defeat them without defeating yourself.
So what do you do?
You give up.
You lost.
It's over.
Good night.