all the heartbreak I've ever been through ...
by @vanessa-9
You liked a boy with big brown eyes and three older sisters. You were five and you had butterflies. His mother was always very nice to you. He used to call you shrimp and chase you around the playground. He was named after that part of a fish they use to breath. He grew up riding horses and learning to be a man. He didn’t pay you much attention as you got older, but that only strengthened your growing affection for the boy who used to make fun of you because you couldn’t cross the monkey bars. He found out you liked him because it got around one day when you were nowhere to be seen. You were embarrassed and sad, how could people be so cruel. They made fun of your feelings and laughed while you just wanted to run and hide. You felt alone and you were eight. He ignored you after that and looked at you like you were an insect. He ended up braking you.
You liked a boy who sat next to you in homeroom. He was older than you by a few days and had the same buck teeth you did. You were eight and you couldn’t stop staring at the mole by his mouth. You became close and everyone knew it. Two years later things had changed quite a bit. You were now strangers. Your feelings for him still existed, you hid them all this time. He dated one of your best friends. He found out you liked him at ten, you wrote him a letter and gave him your heart. He showed his friends and laughed right in front of you, then ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. He never looked you in the eyes again. He ended up braking you
You liked a boy who lived on your block just one house away. He had black curly hair and skin as pale as a ghost, He looked just like his mom and had the loudest laugh you’ve ever heard. You were nine and he made you feel like a kid in a candy store. He was one year younger but you got along just fine. He’d hangout with you until midnight just staring at the stars. He found out how you felt three years later. He stuck out his tongue and made a disgusted face. He ignored you and when he did speak to you, he was cruel and cold. He ended up braking you.
You loved a boy with a windy deposition and carefully thought up lines. From what you understand you’re the second girl he’s ever loved maybe the first but you’re too awkward to give yourself too much credit. You were thirteen when he took your breath away. He loved you across cities and with each passing year you grew strong together. He said he’d love you like no tomorrow, he spoke too soon because as he grew into a beautiful young man with hazel eyes and soft skin he grew apart from your loving ways and the eyes he used to spend hours getting lost in. He promised you he’d never leave you but then one day he stopped returning your calls. He ended up braking you.
You loved a boy who smoked to not remind himself of how bad he used to get made fun of growing up. You were sixteen and naive when he poisoned your soul. He said he knew what pain felt like because he loved a girl with scales for skin and snakes for hair, but she wasn’t love, she was lust fueled destinations with no intentions of something real. He used you for his addiction of skin on skin but never wanted to hold your hand. He kissed you with no emotion but you were too caught up in him to care. He looked at you like you were meat, not like you were the light of his life. He treated you even worse, he made you hate yourself more than you already did. He said he knew what pain felt like, but then he ended up braking you.
You loved a boy who listened to you like his favorite song and fell in like with your pain. You were sixteen and in recovery from stress related pains and a boy with glass frames. He never said you were the one but he was there so you decided to try. His life wasn’t amazing but it felt that way every time he looked into your eyes. He tried to comfort you from the boys who broke you, saying he too knew what it felt like. His story was the perfect disaster, he didn’t tell you everything but he told you enough until you felt okay again. He said you were the cutest thing he’s ever seen although I guess that’s different than “I promise, I’ll never leave” but maybe thinking you heard him say that instead made you feel better inside. He left you in December, all you had left was his sweater. He never said goodbye all he said was “I can’t do this anymore”. You felt like you were about to die. He ended up braking you.
You loved a boy with curly fry hair soft enough to run your fingers through. You were eighteen and waiting for something special. He said when he first met you he was so nervous his hands were shaking and his voice was cracking like he was twelve all over again, he was only hoping you didn’t notice. He kissed you on your first date together and asked you to be his later that night. He was an open book about his life with you. He called you his little sunflower and listened to your breathing on the phone when you fell asleep. He told you everything would be okay now, he even wiped your tears. He called you drunk one night and told you how scared he was of losing you and that he needed to hold you right that second. Three nights before he left you he took you to the sea and kissed you at the top of the Ferris wheel, you’re favorite place in the world. You felt you heart explode just like the night sky. You were sleeping when you got the message, your heart dropped to the floor. He flew back to the girl with spider web veins who harbored his heart in a jar. He made you feel at peace but then he ended up braking you.
You liked a boy just a few months ago. He wore a leather jacket religiously and slept in between note taking. You were eighteen and seeking someone to heal all past aches. His eyes changed colors but your feelings for him never did. You had so much in common, from music to family right down to your sense of humor. He always looked you in the eyes as you spoke and listened to you like he hung on your every word. You hung out alone only twice together, you were high and when he laid beside you, your insides went insane and you got goosebumps all over again. You were half asleep playing with his hair and he tickled you nonstop. You told him you liked him that same day, you asked for things to not change. He only replied “I kind of figured and I don’t see why we wouldn’t be friends”. You went to school confused only to be ignored for weeks on end by the boy who used to look back at you like you were sunshine. He hasn’t spoken to you since. He ended up braking you.
…I’m sorry my dear…
(v.m)