Sorry I missed the funeral darling but I couldn't quite handle seeing you so bare in your casket
A sight so painful like the cuts I made on my wrists
Those pearls gracing your neck still pale in comparison to your beauty
Now that you're gone there's not much else to say My days are a little more grey as every thought if you turns my head
Maybe you'll walk through the door undead Killing my eyes with that bright laugh and smile But it's alright I guess
I'll keep your memory just below my surface Living in your memory using all my favorite vices
I smoke those herbs to numb it all Bowls after bowls token up like Thomas the engine Trying to get as high as possible to laugh so hard my tears stop being from sadness and start being from joy
I drink this patrone to forget it all Feeling the burn of my favorite whiskey hitting my throat and slurring words a bit Speaking so vague not even I know what I'm saying.
But it doesn't help
You're overloading my system every once in a while With those eyes as pale blue as the sky on the last day we met
Never opening again, **** that hurts my soul
My dear it may have been four short years but It all feels like yesterday I got that phone call
Telling me you're fighting for your breath Telling me you might not make it Telling me it's a time for prayer Telling me you've been killed
But here's the deal I've never been the spiritual type The first thought that comes to mind when I go in road trips isn't to pray for safety And I'm not sure why
Maybe because I prayed more in my life in the two hours between those phone calls telling me you've been hit, and when you died
Maybe because when I needed Him the most he didn't come to my rescue like everyone said he would
When I was staring at white walls and florescent bulbs waiting for the next meal I would reject because I wanted to be hanging from a rope and noone should try to stop me
When I prayed to Him about wanting to take my own life he turned his back on me It was as if it was meant to be
But then I sat staring at four white walls lying on a bed of nails contemplating how I made it there
Then I think about you 21 was to young to be murdered. 16 was to young to contemplate suicide.
I guess my point has been lost in traslation
But just to bring this to a close it's that your departure did more than **** you It killed my faith It killed my self worth It killed me
But maybe it happened to bring me here.
You know I always have to put this positive twist here somewhere
I've settled in the university of my dreams with friends I couldn't have thought better of myself.
I've started blossoming In my poetry Spittin these words straight from my notepad where four years ago noone would be able to stare at me this long without my anxiety destroying me inside and out
My dear, if you were still here I don't know where I'd be today Maybe I would have found some different passion But I think I'm happier where I am Then where I would have been Had you never been taken from me
I wrote this out of a guy of sadness so I apologize if it's difficult to follow: it's raw and unedited.