It's you.

It's always been you,
Even when I put myself in strangers arms.

When I got too drunk and said I needed you,
I meant it.

It was you,
Even when I kissed the boy with crooked teeth and a drug problem.

The time I ate mushrooms and told you how sorry I was,
My god I meant it.

It has always been you,
Even when I held hand with that one kid just because I forgot what it felt like.

When I screamed about how I never should have let you slip through my fingers on my best friends kitchen floor at 3 A.M,
I ******* meant it.

It was still you,
Even when I let you best friend wrap his hands around my neck and plant his insincerity in my brain just so I could feel something,
ANYTHING, after so much numbness.

Believe me when I say it was you when I was hooked on ******* because it embraced me in warmth like you did, when I smoked 11 cigarettes a day to cough away thoughts of you, when I did painkillers at a party to feel that deep feeling of utter nothingness but no one told me it wasn't for the emotional kind of pain.
It was you.
You.
It was you when I hit your head off the wall and said 'I love you'. I meant it. I have always meant it. I still do. It was you. And it still is. And it will always be you.