by this my brain is constantly haunted
there's just too many if's, and's & but's to consider
I just feel like sometimes
I'm the only one on the line, I feel like he's standing above me holding me by the thread I hold tightly.
At any moment he could just choose to drop me
and I've always been scared of heights you see
I don't know why it's so hard for me to believe that someone
so sweet and smart and lovely
could ever truly want me
all the stupid ******* insecurities
open me up alive and spill my guts to the ground
until I am hollow and empty
heaving, gasping for air
gagging with no relief,
no ***** as physical evidence as to why
I'm still hurting underneath.
The ache in my lungs
the reason why all my joints creak.
I can't
I can't
I CAN'T
I simply cannot tell you
why my soul is so weak
I can't find enough words to explain
I can't breathe
I can't speak
I can't live like this anymore
dragging around these fears like a dead horse.
I used to ride,
jump high and stay gold
the fear of never being wanted
has made my story
boring & old.