At first I was sad.
My world had been utterly torn apart.
By myself.
I had accidentally turned my life into a nightmare.

There was endless sorrow in each feeling
Each hope.
Each thought.
I felt like a *******.

I was a *******.

But I got over my misery.
And sadness was replaced by anger.
I was furious with everyone.
Especially with myself.

I was ******* about the fact that
I was so full of pity for myself.
I was mad
Because I was so weak.

I still am.

But I've gotten over myself now.
Truly abandoned the rancor that used to make my blood boil.
All that is left in me now is melancholia.

The what ifs.
The predictions of what could have been if I had done things differently.
And it pains me to say this.

But I miss her.

I miss that girl that was so loyal
So full of joy
So sympathetic
And so understanding.

I miss those midnight talks we used to have.
That sudden bursts of laughter.
The crap we got from adults
Because we were in our own private world.

We had lots of things in common.
She made me laugh my *** of.
She trusted me.
I trusted her.

And I murdered our friendship.

I regret it.
I really do.
All I got in exchange was a wet kiss
From a boy who didn't even love me.

I did love him.
But that's another story to tell.
I told her to believe in my word.
And I consciously broke my promise.

I so regret it.
But there's no going back.
The wound will never heal.
And our bond is long lost in time.

But I do have my memories.
And I keep them lovingly in my heart.
For I didn't mean to hurt you.
I really meant no harm.