Resting on the dock with my feet dangling into the water I earlier called filthy, I swear I could hear the tiny stars trying to understand to me.
"What are you attempting to accomplish by doing this?" They all whispered in quite tones as if my answer held the world in its words.
"This isn't you, since when have you needed alcohol to do anything. You're changing and maybe not for the better."
I feel like crying but my eyes won't let the tears escape. I look over at him talking all excitedly, The moonlight holding his freckled face in her hands with a warm caress.
Him, I tell them. He is my step back, he is the root of this all. If you were to delve into my mind, he would be at the beginning saying hello.
"Would he also be at the end?" they all twinkle and ask.
We haven't found our end yet and I can't tell the future. This won't last but I have been saying that for months, it's a never ending cycle of confusion and hurt and I can't seem to get myself to get out of its rotation.
It's like the feeling you get when you ride the spinning teacups. Everything around you is blurred, less impactful. You can only see the person right in front of you and nothing else seems real. You know you'll regret it afterwards but as of now it feels oh so liberating. When you finally get off, everything comes back in full force, you feel sick and you swear you'll never do it again. The sad thing is you make yourself believe that.
"You still do it countless times after though, why is that?" The moon is listening now, her gaze is on me but her caress is on him.
Because it's fun and the feeling is amazing, it's the after part that hurts. The pain of worrying and overthinking everything, wondering why it has to be so ******* complicated when it's simple.
"You aren't talking about the ride anymore are you?" They all whisper in unison.
He shouldn't have to be drunk to tell me he loves me. This isn't love and if if is, get me the **** out, Id rather be alone.
I ****** up
"You made a mistake from which you will learn from"
I want to hate him
"Hate is the one thing your heart doesn't hold"
I need to stop seeing him
"You can't control who your mind and heart choose to like"
He is a tsunami only leaving wreckage behind that I can not clean up
"You will repair everything with time. Time is the mender here and also the breaker, it just wasn't on your side"