baby steps (away from you)
by rebecca-suzanne
We could never agree on music.
You didn't like acoustic piece,
I said they were quiet, like me.
"Is it still a song if there are no words?"
You talked about traveling,
I told you about the Dead Sea.
Our fingers locked
And you turned a key inside my chest.
Is it still "just friends" if I can still feel
Shadows of your mouth on mine?
Christmas came early when
You smiled at me.
Winter was a blur.
We spent days at the park,
Admiring Mother Nature's new look.
Is it still death if it's so beautiful?
The rain clouds outside my window
Gravitated into my brain.
I strived for perfection
And you supported me.
"Just five more pounds",
You would remind me.
Is it still a disorder if you're helping me?
I carved your name
Out of my favourite memories.
I swallowed shards of glass
And ate three meals a day.
It is really recovery if it's so bitter?
The TV screamed
"Love yourself"
My parents screamed
"Love yourself"
I couldn't get the words
Past my grinding teeth.
Is it still love if there is no confession?
I remembered
All I allowed you to do.
I recalled
Everything I pretended to ignore.
Is it really letting go if I only forgive myself?
It can be a song without words
Just like how love can exist without the
Confession.
Death isn't my friend
And neither are you.
I am more than you can see.
I am enough.
And I have finally forgiven myself.