Still Looking

There's something inexplicable about the way they make you feel nothing. Happiness is fleeting but you are your own mistake you keep repeating. one of these nights might turn out right if you keep your mouth shut like the door you're always finding yourself behind with your back against the wood, muscles tensing as you knew they would. Nose bleeding- when is the last time you ate? It took you an hour to get ready but no one can see all your hard work in the shade. "baby, you look great" is all you wanted to grace you ears but you've got too much on your plate and there are only couples here. They will pay you no mind and you will begin to feel you might have been left behind. you pretend you aren't hungry because it seems more grungy. cigarettes will stain your teeth and smoke will spin circles at your feet as you sway alone; always hanging in the wings you're looking for another drink another triple shot and you sink deeper into the half-assed hope that this will be a night you forgot. Just more meaningless crumbs of these evening hours accumulating into an unusable mass of dried out nights exaggerate another fight you had with your mind- what will you do when they call you out for being lower than the grout in the bathroom baby face like you just came out of the womb your knife is duller than your conversation topic you're a fake- From a mile away can you be spotted. Drained of inspiration plagued by perpetual consternation what will you sample next on your way to a falsified elation. Spending weeks away dragon chasing- How long will you be on mental vacation? They're growing impatient. C.e.M. 12.21.2014

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