I don’t even know where to begin
My body trembles as I write about it
I have given up on everything
I have ******* myself over
Everyone has moved away from me
All doors are no longer welcoming
I’ve locked mine up
I only see through my window
I wonder how life would’ve been
If I tried harder and took a risk
All I ever do is wonder and regret
It’s the same every morning
Same routine
Same thoughts.
I can’t do this anymore
I want a miracle
I want to try
I want to be happy
But
I’m stuck
I can’t get out
I just can’t
I love seeing those I care about be happy
I just wish they can see me be happy too
The year is almost over
The season has changed
I’m still the same
I’m overwhelmed, tired
and exhausted
of nothing
I don’t want to be here anymore
Sometimes I feel like leaving
Other days I hope to get past it
When will I get past it?
I don’t want to be lonely anymore
I’m tired of not loving myself
I don’t know how to fix it
I want to move forward
I don’t want to stay stuck in the past
But I’ve given up
I’m no longer trying
I’m no longer motivated
I have no goals
Should I just disappear?
I don’t think it will affect anyone
I’ll be out of the way
They will get over it
And I’m fine with that
I don’t consider myself a good person
It makes sense as to why I deserve this
So death,
will you accept me?
I feel like my life no longer has meaning
I want to go
Take my pain
Take me
I don’t care anymore.

You're obsessed with your surroundings
Upset because you're single
But you love to mingle.

Every girl that you see appears to be an angel to you
What I saw in you was a mysterious prince

I found you through your voice
You found me through my face

As the light shined on you like a halo
I stood out in the dark

Your light slowly faded
And in the dark is where you left me

And in the dark is where I'll stay


10.07.18

A guy I ignored
Looked at me the way I use to look at someone else
I wasn't sure whether this was real
No one has ever looked at me that way
And now you're gone
I wasn't able to express myself to you
There was no beginning nor an end
Now I just wonder about you
Who you are
And if you ever wonder about me
I somehow miss you
My mysterious prince


8.2.2018

A mixture of depression and anxiety don’t blend well together


How long





will it stop



I’m in a state of disaster

The ability to control my mind is out of my reach

The furniture starts to lose its shape

I can hear my heart pounding through my ears

Breathing now becomes difficult

I feel myself drowning in despair

I stand up, but cannot stand

I’m holding myself to control my balance

It hurts

Everything

Just thinking about it scares me

I throw myself to my bed as I scream and grasp for air

It’s no longer me controlling myself

It’s my anxiety

It took over me

I was a goner

And then my body responded

I rushed to the bathroom

And regained conscious

It was over

But my body kept trembling

I managed to pull myself together

I moved from my bedroom

To the living room

I sat there

And slowly fell asleep

I wonder

When will it happen again

What will I do

What can I do

I’m afraid and alone

I’m weak and fragile

I

only

have



myself


and my




anxiety

I can’t move
I can’t think
I only sleep
I don’t remember when was the last time
I saw the sunrise
I avoid everyone
I am stuck in my tower
I have the key to the door
But I’m too afraid to leave my nest
No prince charming exists for me
I don’t exist in this world
Everything that I was taught is kept hidden
I cannot grow
I am tied to my chains
I am the villain
I have no rescuer
I have no fairy tail
I have nothing
I am nothing