what's your favorite noble gas?

i would've replied with xenon
i thought, two years ago

but we've moved on to greater questions
and deeper answers

larger currents
and grander sandcastles

you told me you loved me in so many words
in what way,
im not exactly sure

but i love you
in every possible timeline
in every possible way

we could be reborn as brother and sister
and i would be unchanged

but god am i lucky to be here
right place wrong time

but you'll kiss me when the feelings right
and someday ill sleep through the night

I think I loved you most the winter your heating was broken
And we’d stay inside all morning
Pretending to complain that we couldn’t get out of bed
Our clothes becoming little islands on the floor,
Ones that we could not quite find the courage to visit

Your hand stayed glued to my hip,
Your breath warming my shoulder
Like a long drag of whiskey
That kind that had a home so far away,
In a glass bottle on top of your refrigerator.
The one that would not be opened
Until that fateful day in February,
When everything went wrong

And on that unbearable night
When you joked that you’d freeze to death if I left you
There was a long silence
Like it might be true.

Now it’s warm enough
That I show too much skin when sitting in bars
And you avoid me like the plague,
Whispering in any girl’s ear that’s near to you
Every time you see me watching out of the corner of your eye

We should have stayed inside when the ice began to melt
Because I think
When those doors opened and we finally ventured outside
The world had changed,
And so had you and I.

i wish my life wasn't a constant need
to smash my head against the wall
and pour my innards on the floor
i feel like sleeping
i feel like im always sleeping
i wake up more tired than yesterday
and im afraid when called my own name
i wish i knew the answers
to all the question asked
from or to
me
i want to lie naked in a field
of the greenest grass
next to somebody who wants to blend into the earth
with me
i want to never be lonely
i want to never cry
again
i want to breathe in the air
of someone who cares
the same way as me
wouldn't that be lovely?

you're so agile
so gentle
so i wish i could kiss
your crooked smile
and stay awhile
where the walls
are sheer canopies,
hung above beds,
that turn to moth's wings
and dissolve altogether
and what's more intimate
than a twin bed for two?
sometimes i wish i could fade away
instead of wanting you

somedays i feel like im floating

higher  and higher

and one day i might just

burst

when i hit atmosphere

and maybe then I’d be at peace

but i get the eerie feeling 

ill never stop 

going
nand going and going and

going

i haven’t slept at all this week

and every rest is restless

i told myself this year would be better
but I can’t change the weather

so i turn to the little things

to keep me alive:

the people who light up my life

walks in the cold and the rain

a new collection of lighters

and the art in fresh stains

and as you get older

you realize that’s life

nothing short of misery
but sprinkled with beautiful things

it’s the little things i tell myself

and that’s just the truth

ill smoke one to see the sun

and wait for my days
to become undone

we met in a place outside the norm

and i pretended it was so much more

and maybe it was

underneath our skin

both hoping to reveal the surface

of something we can only dig up

like a time capsule

but i don’t want it to be like that

i want you to smile at me like you do

but in the middle of the night

i want to touch more than knees

and feet and jerks of hand

but ******* we’re stuck

and i don’t know where

some days im content 
with subtly and facility

our sideways gaze and the promise of mondays

but i see your face in my dreams

and id rather have you next to me

you sing like an angel

and speak like a dove

and im crazy to write you love songs

but if i could wish for anything

id ask for you to play me symphonies

i want to call you and tell you everything’s that’s wrong

and maybe I would if i a little more to drink

but im scared you could finally call me crazy

if i did

but there’s this drumming in my head like the drumming in my heart

and id give so much for it to stop

but absolutely anything for you to say

i love you

it’ll be okay

but now i don’t know about anything anymore

i wish i was someone’s favorite person

cause i feel so alone

i wish i was your favorite person

and if i were to tell you that

would you even know

that under my heart is scribbled your name

over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

because you are the sun to my sea

warming the placing only i can see

calling out to the things you don’t yet know

creeping into places still cold