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when I love someone
I don't want to love their
gender or their skin
I want to love them
their laugh
their smile
their eyes
their humor
their kindness
their thoughtfulness
their talents
their skills
I want to love them
for them
not a made up version
of them
I want them to be theirself
and be proud
they don't need to be
a girl
or
a boy
or
gender nonconforming
I will love them
for them
and what they look like
does not matter
"I don't love a body,
that's just skin and bones,
not somebody"
happy pride month!!
Forward.
Reveal the sweat.
Tingling throughout,
Until the wind meets the wet.

Sipping.
Put down the weight.
Comforting taste,
While the whole sky waits.

Thinking.
Losing the train.
Cut the skull open
And examine the brain.
I discover myself, tiny, bean-shaped on the tiled floor.
Raised to my knees the edge of the counter feels deadly.

Thank the gods, not this.

The mirror stares back at my shame with only wet redness.

I look at the offending object.
Well, that could have been worse.

I look to the ground.
Well, that could have been worse.

The effort required to hold back against the floor worries me.

I kept it cool. There is no mark.

I discover all of us.

We are as leaves floating in a puddle.
We rot.
We may become adhered to a shoe,
Or squished into the ground,
But we know we are rotting.
9 years ago
your son was 9, you were forty-two
your wife was nearing forty

I was eighteen
daughter 1, fourteen; daughter 2, thirteen
and daughter 3 was only 6

we've experienced anniversaries,
birthdays, funerals
(my dad, my grandpa, my papa)

breakups, and new boyfriends
(just with your daughters, really)

graduations, retirements,
family arguments
chaos and heartbreak induced by alcoholism,
(and now years of sobriety)

first home purchases
(your daughters and myself)
(your son is living with me this summer)

and a pandemic...

much has happened since June 17th, two thousand and sixteen
but the biggest thing yet
will be this Saturday
June 7th, twenty twenty-five

daughter 1 is twenty-two, now
and in three days she gets married
your son is eighteen, now
and he will walk her down the aisle
(he told me he cries whenever he thinks about it)

your wife is nearly forty-nine
she will be there with her boyfriend
(they moved in together, in the house they built)
(they're both sober)
(she referred to him as her husband the other day)

daughter 3 is fifteen
(she told me she doesn't really remember you)

I am twenty-seven, now
and I will read a passage from the Bible at your daughter's wedding -
(just like I did at your funeral)
My cousin gets married this weekend... feeling very bitter-sweet; her dad died by suicide 9 years ago (anniversary of the death is in two weeks); my dad died unexpectedly three years ago. Reflecting on how life changes, and it also stays the same. My cousin asked me to read a passage at her wedding; 9 years ago, my aunt asked me to read a passage at my uncle's funeral.
I knew nothing
till my knowing
fell short
the moment
I got to know
you
The people we meet in life
always stay with us -
some as beautiful memories,
and
some as ugly scars.
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