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My biography, is shabby. Yes I am aware
but there are things you don't want to know
and yes I do care.

I really am a nobody ... not many read anything I write.
That's ok. I wouldn't either
I have issues... and because of these and the fact that the lot of you won't be missing much- I'm going to stop writing. maybe for a bit, maybe for good. not that it matters.

I am "that girl in the corner", and I barely know myself. But at the moment- it's extremely hard to realize I'm not a complete waste of space.
I'm sorry for the poor quality lately, and this lame post. I'll leave you be now.
...bye.
Peek outside the window
Hide behind the door
No desire whatsoever,
to see what is in store

Close your eyes tight
Pray it stays locked
Take off your mask
hyperventilate-
Breathe it in,
Firm as stone.
Settled now, to try the door.

Just a little further,
But oh so very far.
Dear God, come on.
it's just the yard.

But the fear is overwhelming,
It dances in ur head.
So you hide under your covers
Tucked safe inside your bed

But never safe-
From the thoughts within your head.
The pinball reverberations-
Painfully loud.

The wind howls a tune.
The tree thumps a bass.
Your headache slowly fades,
As the rain kerplunks a gasp.
Cracking open long closed doors
It tears you far as sunder

the light pours in
It blinds you so
Stings pulsing through the sky
Yet your eyes remain unmoving,
Searching the outside

Their voices only pebbles now.
Softened by the wood nearby.
Their yells and insults fall, before they can even fly.

The wind is your turmoil.
The weather your symphony
Ur own perfectly destructive,
Rythmic, cacophony.

Etch your words into their hearts
Scream it through the glass
Let them know it is so very far,
From your own last gasp.

Watch them drown in your sound
-Loosing theirself instead.
Cry and cry as it pours down,
Blurred insignificance in ur head.
Colors drain with raindrops.
But still the sound remains

Their eyes wide.
Pant and shiver slight.
Cower on the ground
Hiding from the dread.

Dread of humiliation
From hiding in their bed

To know that on the inside,
They lost to you instead.
Complete mortification-
Snickers in the halls.

Time slipping from your grasp.
clutch the covers tight.
now knuckles white.

Cry, and cry.
And pray, and pray-
For just a longer night.

A slight rap on your front door
Resonates through the hall.
you hold your breath and wait still-
But yet the clock ticks on.

You trudge your feet of steel with will,
And peek out the window pane.
To see your neighbor soaked, and cold.
-Wondering if your ok.
if only
hold me close
drown my tears
show me why im even here
here my words
soften my cries
oh my dear, no more good byes

i am here now close your eyes
rock u slowly to and fro
humming softly, your eyes drift close-

if only so
when you dont want to be here, but you're too tired to try not to be,
just look around and maybe you'll see
oh dear, how much you really mean to me.

if only i could see
Coffee here.
Drink me black
Bitter still- my favorite snack.
Food and sweets long forgot.
Replaced by this energy shot.
Through my eyes.
Reverberates my tongue
Just one sip.
And now long gone.
Wearing off too soon.
Never could replace sleep.
Bitter laugh. Bitter tea
Only a short sweet reprieve
Blackened lead doors slide closed.
Too bad that in my dreams
I am there left alone.
#insomnia #hahahano
Right. Thats who i am.
 Who ill always be.
Just do me a favor and lock away the key
But like usual
I forgot something else again
Worthless trophy locked away on this dusty shelf
Used to the darkness
And the shadows of doubt

Scattered pieces lie about
Bleed me dry
tear me apart
Do it correctly, inside out

But even with that dusty key
I would still be stuck here it seems
Too afraid of what lies beyond
Paper thin door
Memmories never vanquished
Never even gone

They play with my concious
Twist and pull those strings
Making me flinch and panic yet again
The wounds run deep
Your words become mine
Oh dont worry, my demons are pleased
Theyre having a great time

The scars? Forget them not.
The stitches were better used on others
The ones not forgot.
But hey, thats ok.
I never wanted them anyway.
Newly healed hurts more to break,
Than the skin always broken anyway.
 Nov 2016 Tom Balch
Paul Hansford
I saw you last night
in your bath
playing
singing
preparing for bed
three years old

as the camera approached
I saw in close-up
to the depths of your eyes
your deep­­­
­­­­deep-brown eyes
and caught a glimpse
into your soul

but after hearing you sing
so innocent
so spontaneous
so free
so absolutely
so essentially
you  
I know that for me
Incy
Wincy
Spider

can never be the same again
 Nov 2016 Tom Balch
Fay Slimm
Clamped down firmly
time is a stifler.

No win-win situation
for minds
here existing

yet living elsewhere.

To allay pining,
moments
keep to their turning.

Secure, love's binding
of hearts

when rutted
in time's unpliable
yearning.

Bitter-sweet the state
where existence
depends

on ticking of clocks
but

blest the find of sated
persistence.

Rubbled, a shore wet
with stony regret,
yet

lived greenly
hope still offers,
to love

intent on patience,

her best gift-listing
dear friend,
for those who have
waited.

Simply inestimable
joy

in the end.
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