once privileged: Poems

Feb 2020 · 123

Untitled

once privileged Feb 2020

Untitled

It's growing cold walking upon this memory, Warm skin morphed into shadows so lucid. Scouring for words to say, as I go on each day.... I watch the clouds roll by, & Now I realize all that is left is goodbye.... If only you proved worth a try.

Dec 2019 · 133

Set free

once privileged Dec 2019

Set free

Victims of circumstances
We've had our chances
Taken our turns
Handling the burns
So afraid to feel
Won't you set me free?
Stubborn and full of angst
My heart grown cold
I'm as scared as ever
You're still clever
I pushed you away
But I held your place
Wished you would stay
I'm ready to fight
Sick of taking flight
Please stay with me
Set me free
Banish these shackles
We're forever afraid
But you my friend
Are my only key
So now release me
And come along...
Meet me in the nether

Nov 2019 · 130

Untitled

once privileged Nov 2019

Untitled

You never knew it
You never even knew
Waited through my darkest hour
Here you waited
All warnings aside
I want to believe in love
Wish I could give in
And here I go again
I'll be your favorite ghost
I miss you the most
But I can't explain it
Fighting feelings
So I'm on my way
Please don't call it love
Please don't count on me
Youre so unstable...
I'm so unreliable.
Why can't this be easy
Why can't we be
Well my dear...
I'll let you down easy this time
We simply were not meant to meet
A train wreck you might say
But hey,
Let's grab something to eat
There's always tonorrow
Tomorrow we'll admit defeat
I can't fight you anymore.
Just promise never to count on me
I'll be gone with the breeze
Forever loving you.
Please ignore the warnings

And you stayed anyway

Nov 2019 · 129

Untitled

once privileged Nov 2019

Untitled

**** me I'm pathetic
So ******* empathetic
This isn't my blood
Where is realitttty
I can't find the line
Please help me
seperate yours from mine
It's killing me
So A.D.D.
Can't even process
But I will profess
I'm falling deeeep
Just tell me
Why must you weep
Why must I

Dec 2018 · 454

Flipping tables

once privileged Dec 2018

Flipping tables

The errs end
All come to mend
-Excuses away
Adhere to a calling
Amidst the falling
Footholds of dark
For depths unseen
Shall shine brightest
Under my light

No longer lost,
Just on my way
Far from home
I'm reaching out

#hope

Dec 2018 · 308

Ticking away

once privileged Dec 2018

Ticking away

Oh
Hast thou forgotten?
You pledged your honor
If ever it was too great
You'd take me away in haste
Drifting against the clock
Might you come for me tonight?
I fear I've lost my way
So very blinded,
The bluster is too great
Please take me away.
Oh come now.
Hear this bellow
Oh my dear, be quick.

Dec 2018 · 316

Make it love

once privileged Dec 2018

Make it love

Lets find a reason to be excited
While all else crumbles away
Take me into your moment.
Lets get a little voluptuous
We can be selfish
Tears can't be strung
Your taste on my tongue
Baby lets not be frugal
Less to fear than eccentric
Let's create a new memory
Inside it we can crawl
Forever in your moment
I pour my heart out to you.
Lingering words
Left to be assembled
Pieces fall apart
Memories wash away
I'm too ******* eccentric.
Give me just this one
Just one last memory back
Wont you caress me
Wouldn't it be lovely?

Dec 2018 · 188

Sainted.

once privileged Dec 2018

Sainted.

I must save you
Save you from your hope
Let me be the one
To tear you apart
I'll be ever so gentle
You are a ray of sunshine
In a world of darkness.
I remember how it felt
So hopeless and scared
But trusting in humanity...
My dear please listen
They will tear you apart
Let me wound you...
Ever so gently
I need to leave my mark
I can keep you safe
But you must carry your pain
Forever on your sleeve.
I hurt people ever so gently

Let me be the one my dear
Let me break you in
Please give me your hope
I live to hurt you,
To show you the world
From these bleeding eyes
I hurt you, with best wishes
I'll be here
And you will... come to me
The face of a saint
Tortured for eons.
I am an angel,
Though I have fallen.
So shall you.

Dec 2018 · 157

Bleed to me

once privileged Dec 2018

Bleed to me

Can you watch?
As the pain consumes me
I desire a friend,
A warrior of light
To end this forever night
Much less to be desired,
I will, too show you the dark side
I will, too show you your own pain
Lavish in the glory of the pain
Let our demons be melancholy
lawlessly leading you to the night.
It's a trap, and perhaps
I'll let you think you've trapped me
I wish to show you my pain,
Steal away your light
You pretend to be afraid
I pretend to care.
Nobody will know you're there.
The joy of pain is so great
Now let us celebrate.
I am the end to all of you demons.
My demons so mighty and tall
I'll take on them all.
I feed my demon and take much joy
Watching them destroy all who try.
Your demons will become mine,
They have willed it to be
For I shall offer them what you cannot.
Do not fear, leave it to me.

Dec 2018 · 209

These 4 walls

once privileged Dec 2018

These 4 walls

Have you ever stood in a maze,
Or a busy city street?
Pondering what might be.

I heard you want inside my head.
You yearn to know who I am
These walls my dear... they bleed
These walls are not for my protection

You reassured me time after time,
I'm so sorry...
for having faith in you.
You tore through so many walls
You faced my demons time after time
But my friend.... please stop
These walls have consumed me
I'm afraid of what may remain.
I'm so sorry
You watched the final moment
You seen through darkness
As my demons consumed me
They tore through every limb
Cleaned the blood by tongue
I'm sorry you didn't make it out on time
I'm sorry you're forever mine
Neither of us will make it out
I watched
As you let my demons consume you
You told me you would win.
I knew you stood no chance,
My demons lavished on your pain.
But into the crevices of darkness
My friend...
You're stuck with me until the end.

Dec 2018 · 161

I saved you.

once privileged Dec 2018

I saved you.

You turned to me.
And my heart stood still
The pain in your eyes
The blood on your hands
A night... not to be forgotten
Do you remember?
A cool breeze,
And then time stood still
A merry evening.
The fear in your eyes,
I knew it was time.
Reassuring words spewed from my lips.
I promised to make it end
If only
I knew then what I faced
As promised I set out to destroy...
Every last demon you had.
Every morcel of pain you held
You trusted me
That was your only mistake
I can't hold back now
I found myself in battle,
We set out to win or die trying
If only
It was only after I awoke
Covered in ****** wounds
I was your only demon
The one who destroyed you...
The one I hated most
I took the light in your eyes,
The crooked smile,
The way you looked up to me..
Before I destroyed it all.
So now I sit here,
In my final moments
Blood runs down my chest,
Hand shaking with disgust...
As I will always keep my promise
Your demons shall be slayed.
My friend.... you are are forever safe

Dec 2018 · 406

Shadow in your eye

once privileged Dec 2018

Shadow in your eye

The shadow in your eye..
The kink behind your smile.
I can see it all so clearly,
I recognize the pain.
Digging through leeches
Superficial greetings.
I need to see your heart.
If I show you mine,
Maybe then you'll show me yours.
I was just like you
Waiting for your heart,
Too scared to show you mine.
But here I am
I've never truly gone,
Sure I've never truly been there
I waited for your core
Too scared to show you mine
I finally see.
In the shadow of your eye
Depression raging on
How could I have been so blind.

I was born to save you
And now it's too late
Maybe your depression outgrew mine
I Should've shown you my heart
But now you're gone.
Even in our distance
You were my one truth
And now it's time for this to end.
I have failed you my friend
I should have given you...
My heart
I didn't get there on time.

Too depressed to see the struggle my only long term and current friend battled. Depression can leave you spending all thoughts on making it through a day. Do not ever forget that the person who bothers to check up on you regularly might need the same from you sometimes. Don't neglect all that you have. This deserves much better but is a rough draft.

#suicide #depression #lost #agony #heart #feelings

Dec 2016 · 461

I need a narcissist

once privileged Dec 2016

I need a narcissist

Here I stay
I will give in to your every word
I will live out your lies
Trust your meaningless notions
I give you my unrequainted love
Give you my loyalty
Tell me what to do
Remind me of my nightmares
I've nothing left to dream of
You can abuse me
Whatever makes you happy
I will live to feed your ego

I lost my battle long ago
If seeing me miserable brings you joy
Then at least I was worth something

Ill be your play toy
I'll serve all your desires

You can use and abuse me
Just please dont lose me
Please dont lose me

You're the only one..
Too wrapped up in yourself
To look closely at my feelings
I've always been indifferent
I have came to appreciate that
Just dont lose me.

Jul 2016 · 446

Finish

once privileged Jul 2016

Finish

My dearest artist
These worlds you create
So full of wonder and awe
So lonely yet full of life
There are no words
And never a worry

Could you paint me away
Far away from this place?
In a place where I belong
With song birds singing
Where autumn never ends
The river flowing beside me
Cant you paint me away.

Thoughts to be shaped when im not on the clock

#paint

Jan 2016 · 728

dreaming on

once privileged Jan 2016

dreaming on

I seen you the other day,
In my dream
I've never felt so lonely.
Sitting here tonight,
I'm missing you more then ever
I still **** at poems.
But I simply don't care.
I'm alone in this life here.
I thought I knew what loneliness was
This changes it all.
There is nothing I want more
But I can't take this back.
I want to say I've learned...
Not to say what I don't mean
But I do it so fluently now.
Break these sentences down,
Try to pass it as a poem.
While I pass this off as a life

Jan 2015 · 390

To my friend

once privileged Jan 2015

To my friend

To cast light upon shadows
To welcome silent moments
To see through the dark
To remember to breathe
To find humour in all
To watch the sun trade for stars
To forget the world
To treat all with care
To speak with passion
To learn and grow

Where are you my friend?
I know you search too.

Would you recognize me,
Given we meet again?
Or do I chase dreams.
Time is our only battle.
I'm think I'm experiencing hopelessness.. in the most beautiful way.

Jan 2015 · 450

maybe next year

once privileged Jan 2015

maybe next year

Here's to all.
All of your cheers.
Here's to the new year.
Where we will finally.
Finally take care of problems.
Or maybe leave them behind.
Everything's gonna be great
I'll start doing right
Next year
Here's to the week.
That proves us all procrastinators,
All in the delusion of time.
In just 4 hours,
I'll be a better person
Yet for now,
I'll sit here smoking cigarettes.
Drinking this lonely beer.
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Drink beer of the light variety.
Maybe next time,
Maybe next year.
For now.
I'll have my beer
And watch as you
As you all improve
Improve your lives.
Next year.
See you then.

And again

Nov 2014 · 2.3k

deer

once privileged Nov 2014

deer

Someone give me a gun,
I'll show you how this done.
Someone, give me a gun.
I'll show you when this is done.
Someone gave me a gun.
I'll show you how this is done,
Someone gave me a gun.

Nov 2014 · 367

Untitled

once privileged Nov 2014

Untitled

Where's your soul
Couldn't you just
Let down your walls
Have you forgotten
Or am I forbidden
The lack of knowing
Ignorances bitter taste
Where's the shovel
I'm digging my way in
It's cold out here
I can feel your warmth
Begging to come out
I want your warmth
I'll take it as my own
Through blood
Whoever it lies
I will find it

Nov 2014 · 354

Untitled

once privileged Nov 2014

Untitled

It's all a game
Your name
Isn't the same
So much changed
These mere names
Their not the same
But you are he
One live ago,
You were there
I wouldn't dare
Call you another

I still hold on
To one live ago
We swore we'd remember
I promised to find you
Before these names
Things changed
I'm apathetic
It took so many
Years of loneliness
You've forgotten
I've only just remembered
These names
If only
These names
Stayed the same.

This will be a draft for something much more meaningful. Just needed to get my thoughts together

Nov 2014 · 616

spilling love on the canvas

once privileged Nov 2014

spilling love on the canvas

You love
If I painted happiness,
You'd be on my canvas
If only I could paint
Your smile like
The first bloom of spring
Your eyes like
The morning sunrise
You're heart like
The warm afternoon sun
If I painted happiness
If only I could
If I painted
Your love
You're love
My love
It would be on my canvas
If only I could paint

This red only does so much
For your eyes
For your warmth
My love
If only I could paint
The warmth in your heart.
This blood my love
It doesn't bring out your eyes
My love
You're love
If only I could paint
You'd be on my canvas

Nov 2014 · 532

Brittle love

once privileged Nov 2014

Brittle love

Your love so strong
Your faith so... Enduring
You deserve so much

I'm just not there now
I can be the one you need
We need not rush
Time may be on your side
Only time will tell

In your trust
So much pressure
In your love
So much fear
Don't confide in me
For I will fall
Don't wait on me
For I will stall
Don't count on me
I may let you down

I'm not ready to fall
I'm but ready to climb

My strength Is forged of gold
Worth it's weight.
But fragile.
So very fragile.

I am brittle.

Oct 2014 · 1.9k

Sharing is caring

once privileged Oct 2014

Sharing is caring

Let me explore you
Let me adore you
I wish to hear.
I wish to care.
You're a novelty
Better than any.
Stories untold.
Let memories unfold
Give me the chance
Let our minds dance
You won't regret
Don't you worry
Here you're safe
Let me know you
Let me comfort you
You're blooming
So vibrantly
The sun shine
Staring back at you
Open up to me.
Give yourself the chance
Let's share tears
We'll never forget.
I wish to care
Do you dare?

Oct 2014 · 511

Astrally frustrated

once privileged Oct 2014

Astrally frustrated

Here I lay
Sweet wormwood.
Silently awaiting
Oh I long for you
Joyous unknown
Do you await
The body tingling
The mind so clear.
What is next
This sweet harmony
Something surely lacks.
To feel the spirit
Hover above
But here it lingers.
I think I fear
This cords to short.
Time or distance,
One not enough
The numbness
To great to forget
Only a taste
A reminder of a place,
Or perhaps a time
Places yet traveled.
Again you tease
Maybe tomorrow
Another chance.

Oct 2014 · 417

30 seconds remaining

once privileged Oct 2014

30 seconds remaining

Just a passer by.
Your vibrant red hair.
Just in that moment.
Your story screaming to me,
Amongst the silence.
Calling for help,
I can't help you now.
We could've been friends
You're on your own my dear.
I'm sure you were perfect.
My prefect stranger.
I wish to hear all your stories
Your wisdom your pains.
I wish we had a moment to speak.
But you took the last breath,
Beautiful grey hair you had.
Such a shame,
Stained with blood

Goodbye my friend.

Oct 2014 · 1.1k

No title needed

once privileged Oct 2014

No title needed

The sun has risen.
Another night past.
Staring at this blank box
Wondering what to write
Doubtful as I am you will find this,
It needs to be right.
The truth seems to lack in taste.
A story seems ill in good faith.
My poems too blunt,
My words too vague.
Years spent in search of words.
Yet I've found none worthy.
I'm a victim of time.
It just never stops
I think I'll find the words,
If you're patient you'll see.
Maybe by our next life,
I'll be a master of words.
Words spoken over again.
I'll be more prepared.
For that I'm sure.
I hope some time you'll know,
Just how far you pushed me to grow.
You were important to me.
And forever you'll be.
On my death bed,
There will be thanks to you.
And if I may pass before you,
Maybe I'll have had the time to find the words.
Surely in my will.
If not then the next time we meet.

Oct 2014 · 1.8k

longing for that friend

once privileged Oct 2014

longing for that friend

Will you wait with me?
Watch the time as it slips away
Watch life transform
Watch the sun rise and set each day
Watch our bodies as they wrinkle
Would you sit and laugh as life wreaked it's silly havoc.
Shed a tear as lives expire
Enjoy every moment as it passes
See the beauty in life's lessons
See beyond the days hardship
Remind me that nothing is forever
Never let me forget to hope
Sit quietly and wait for what's next

I want to play along
Can you pretend that these struggles are real with me?
But still wake the day after with a smile
Will you never forget that nothing is forever
Let me remind you that each morning is suffuce for a new lesson, being you let yesterday's go?

Will you forgive and forget all and see what we could become?
All of those feelings you've been holding so tightly too..  let them go now.
All that stress.  Let it melt away now.
All of your grudges, leave those at the door.

Oh.
How I look forward to these times with you.

Oct 2014 · 321

these not so very blue skies

once privileged Oct 2014

these not so very blue skies

The beauty of the day
I lost it all.
Watched the skies fill with ashes
The blood stained windows.
Screaming and pain
Mere reminders

There were dark days.
Always there are dark days
But tomorrow is another hell
I seen the beauty.
In the way the blood dries.
The way you looked up to the ashes.
If only I could see once more.
Your care for all
Wiping blood and tears
It kept me alive
In those moments
My skies were blue
The smile you forged
Fake as the sun after set
Once existed
A mere reflection
Where's your light
In these dark days?
My candles out,
And I fear you've given up.
The flame is gone
Endless halls.
Bricks and grey.

Reminders
The blood of the demon.
I will destroy then.
One day at a time.
These skies will grow bluer
I won't stop killing those demons who dared take those skies from you
You were

Sep 2014 · 563

Yesterday, maybe tomorrow

once privileged Sep 2014

Yesterday, maybe tomorrow

The flowers bloom,
now watch then wither.
Yesterday's yet to come,
Tomorrow's old news
Watch it wither.
This joyous moment
This beautiful body
Watch it wither.
Summer
The sun
Watch it wither.
This love
This pain.
Watch it all wither.
I miss you's
withering away.
This pride,
It won't wither.
Forever stuck
Watching it wither

Pssht

— The End —