once privileged

once privileged Dec 2018

Sainted.

I must save you
Save you from your hope
Let me be the one
To tear you apart
I'll be ever so gentle
You are a ray of sunshine
In a world of darkness.
I remember how it felt
So hopeless and scared
But trusting in humanity...
My dear please listen
They will tear you apart
Let me wound you...
Ever so gently
I need to leave my mark
I can keep you safe
But you must carry your pain
Forever on your sleeve.
I hurt people ever so gently

Let me be the one my dear
Let me break you in
Please give me your hope
I live to hurt you,
To show you the world
From these bleeding eyes
I hurt you, with best wishes
I'll be here
And you will... come to me
The face of a saint
Tortured for eons.
I am an angel,
Though I have fallen.
So shall you.

once privileged Dec 2018

Bleed to me

Can you watch?
As the pain consumes me
I desire a friend,
A warrior of light
To end this forever night
Much less to be desired,
I will, too show you the dark side
I will, too show you your own pain
Lavish in the glory of the pain
Let our demons be melancholy
lawlessly leading you to the night.
It's a trap, and perhaps
I'll let you think you've trapped me
I wish to show you my pain,
Steal away your light
You pretend to be afraid
I pretend to care.
Nobody will know you're there.
The joy of pain is so great
Now let us celebrate.
I am the end to all of you demons.
My demons so mighty and tall
I'll take on them all.
I feed my demon and take much joy
Watching them destroy all who try.
Your demons will become mine,
They have willed it to be
For I shall offer them what you cannot.
Do not fear, leave it to me.

once privileged Dec 2018

These 4 walls

Have you ever stood in a maze,
Or a busy city street?
Pondering what might be.

I heard you want inside my head.
You yearn to know who I am
These walls my dear... they bleed
These walls are not for my protection

You reassured me time after time,
I'm so sorry...
for having faith in you.
You tore through so many walls
You faced my demons time after time
But my friend.... please stop
These walls have consumed me
I'm afraid of what may remain.
I'm so sorry
You watched the final moment
You seen through darkness
As my demons consumed me
They tore through every limb
Cleaned the blood by tongue
I'm sorry you didn't make it out on time
I'm sorry you're forever mine
Neither of us will make it out
I watched
As you let my demons consume you
You told me you would win.
I knew you stood no chance,
My demons lavished on your pain.
But into the crevices of darkness
My friend...
You're stuck with me until the end.

once privileged Dec 2018

I saved you.

You turned to me.
And my heart stood still
The pain in your eyes
The blood on your hands
A night... not to be forgotten
Do you remember?
A cool breeze,
And then time stood still
A merry evening.
The fear in your eyes,
I knew it was time.
Reassuring words spewed from my lips.
I promised to make it end
If only
I knew then what I faced
As promised I set out to destroy...
Every last demon you had.
Every morcel of pain you held
You trusted me
That was your only mistake
I can't hold back now
I found myself in battle,
We set out to win or die trying
If only
It was only after I awoke
Covered in ****** wounds
I was your only demon
The one who destroyed you...
The one I hated most
I took the light in your eyes,
The crooked smile,
The way you looked up to me..
Before I destroyed it all.
So now I sit here,
In my final moments
Blood runs down my chest,
Hand shaking with disgust...
As I will always keep my promise
Your demons shall be slayed.
My friend.... you are are forever safe

once privileged Dec 2018

Shadow in your eye

The shadow in your eye..
The kink behind your smile.
I can see it all so clearly,
I recognize the pain.
Digging through leeches
Superficial greetings.
I need to see your heart.
If I show you mine,
Maybe then you'll show me yours.
I was just like you
Waiting for your heart,
Too scared to show you mine.
But here I am
I've never truly gone,
Sure I've never truly been there
I waited for your core
Too scared to show you mine
I finally see.
In the shadow of your eye
Depression raging on
How could I have been so blind.

I was born to save you
And now it's too late
Maybe your depression outgrew mine
I Should've shown you my heart
But now you're gone.
Even in our distance
You were my one truth
And now it's time for this to end.
I have failed you my friend
I should have given you...
My heart
I didn't get there on time.

Too depressed to see the struggle my only long term and current friend battled. Depression can leave you spending all thoughts on making it through a day. Do not ever forget that the person who bothers to check up on you regularly might need the same from you sometimes. Don't neglect all that you have. This deserves much better but is a rough draft.

#suicide #depression #lost #agony #heart #feelings

once privileged Dec 2016

I need a narcissist

Here I stay
I will give in to your every word
I will live out your lies
Trust your meaningless notions
I give you my unrequainted love
Give you my loyalty
Tell me what to do
Remind me of my nightmares
I've nothing left to dream of
You can abuse me
Whatever makes you happy
I will live to feed your ego

I lost my battle long ago
If seeing me miserable brings you joy
Then at least I was worth something

Ill be your play toy
I'll serve all your desires

You can use and abuse me
Just please dont lose me
Please dont lose me

You're the only one..
Too wrapped up in yourself
To look closely at my feelings
I've always been indifferent
I have came to appreciate that
Just dont lose me.

once privileged Jul 2016

Finish

My dearest artist
These worlds you create
So full of wonder and awe
So lonely yet full of life
There are no words
And never a worry

Could you paint me away
Far away from this place?
In a place where I belong
With song birds singing
Where autumn never ends
The river flowing beside me
Cant you paint me away.

Thoughts to be shaped when im not on the clock

#paint