It's just a bite, what harm could it do?
It triggers a domino effect, because one bite invariably turns into two, and three, and four and all of a sudden you're eating.
But you can't do that, because being skinny will make everything better.
You look in the mirror, hoping to see ribs and spine and hip-bones. You stretch your skin farther over your bones, and watch the fat melt away. You are skinny, and you are indestructible.
Nothing fits.
You shop for new clothes
but they sag in all the wrong places.
Nothing pulls over your chest the way it used to, instead it hangs there limply.
There are inches of extra fabric behind your thighs.
Your hips used to be graceful and womanly, but now you look like a pre-pubescent child.
Being skinny just isn't fun anymore.
But you can't go back, because you remember times when you'd stand in front of dressing room mirrors and clothes would s t r e t c h over your stomach and hips and thighs and *******. Everything would be too tight in all the wrong places.
It is either skinny or fat, never an in-between. You can never be "healthy" because that's fat too.
And the food is still on your plate while all of this runs through your mind and it almost kills you, because it's JUST A BITE.
but it isn't 'just' anything. it's a big deal.
So you leave the bite behind and your stomach begs you for something, anything. And then you see the candy.
The chips.
The diet sodas.
The protein bars.
The brownies.
The ice cream.
The milkshakes.
And suddenly you are out of control, eating it all at once and you can't stop. It goes in but it HAS TO COME OUT.
So you lock yourself in the stall.
You tickle the back of your throat with your pointer finger and it comes back.
Purple,
Orange,
Blue.
Unnatural colors that come from processed foods.
Red,
yellow,
green.
And you are empty again,
crying on the bathroom floor
with no one to save you.

Gone...
Everything I've ever held
Family, friends, and dreams
All that's left I can afford
The dry and empty screams

Because...
All that's left inside me now
Is the numbness of my soul
Of life's held bitter wind of change
In which I have no control

How...
Do I take this latest hit
Another bruise upon my soul

How...
Can I dig my way out of this
Deep and darkened hole

How...
Do I find the strength to climb
When this life has worn me out

How...*
Can I expect an answer
When I'm filled with so much doubt

Yes, Life is a Tragedy
A scream in the middle of being formed
How often have I begged the lonely question
*The reason I was born...

Last night i almost lost you
and i remembered everything.
The songs you taught me to sing
every joke we annoyed mom with
how you knew everyone we ran into on the street.
I realized
that i cannot imagine what it will be like
if you miss
my high school graduation
my first day of college
my wedding day...
and i know that you might not make it
long enough to experience
all of those things.
but i can simply not imagine my life
without you here.

So the sky is the limit--
I don’t care;
I’ll build me a rocket
To get up there.

Don’t tell me the odds,
I know there’s no air;
I’ll find my own oxygen,
I’ll take every dare.

Don’t get onto me,
Come on, be fair;
But if you need a lift,
I’ll take you there.