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I woke up dreaming of you, as I've done a million times the last 14 years. I had given you another chance in my dreams, a chance to love me, and as always, you leave me. Even in my dreams my heart breaks. I don't know why I still dream about you or even think of you. Firsts mean a lot I guess. I have someone who loves me so unconditionally, in the way that I loved you. I remember that love, so deep I'd do anything just to keep you. I often wonder how you're doing now, if you've finally settled, and if you've found a love that makes you as crazy as I was for you. Passion really hypnotized me, I needed you endlessly and now I know I was filling myself with you to block out all the bad stuff that had happened. Even though that pain still exists from what others have done I've finally balanced out. But sometimes I still think about you, about the way it felt when you touched me. That was always the most exciting part. I'm going to sleep again soon, as one does, and I'm just hoping as pleasant as it is to see your face, that I don't dream of you.
Always and forever was short lived.
  Mar 2022 Victoria Jennings
Flame
Do you miss him?
Yes
Do you love him?
With all my heart
Do want to be with him?
Sometimes
So you'll talk to him again?
No, never
He holds me
And he tells me I'm perfect
Just the way I am

He kisses me enough
To cover every cut I've ever made on
my body

Hugs me enough to comfort any painful words that have ever rung in my ears

He is the other half of myself in every way I didn't know possible.
"You're everything I never knew I always wanted" -Fools rush in
I dreamt of you again

Just like I've done a million times before

And I awoke

Remembering your face

And wondering...

How do I break a bond

A trauma bond

One that convinced me
Mind, body and soul that I needed you

How do I take control of my dreams

So I never have to dream of you again.
I loved you enough to ruin myself

You loved me enough to ruin me too.
I am starving
And you are an apple just out of reach

I know each bite would be juicy and sweet

I am cold
And you are the furry blanket I left behind

I know if I had you I would be warm

I am unsatisfied

You would bring me the most satisfaction.
Always wanting what I can't have. Just day dreams.
I want the excitement

The titillation I felt whenever I felt your hand touch me

The passion behind every kiss
And the desire in each breath

I miss the lust more than I miss you.
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