at the edge of oblivion
not knowing if I should
surrender  or continue living
the way I have for a while
which is only half living

it's easier to keep doing what doesn't work
than ask for so I can change and try something new
but my own mind convinces me I got this
even though I am slowly falling apart physically
and dying on the inside

I am on the edge of oblivion
stranded with my worst enemy
me

I am desperate enough that for the first time
in my life I ask for help and actually take the help
without dictating what form that help takes

this all happened over 3 years a go
and today I have a life I never imagined
all it takes is for me to be willing to continue
to ask a power greater than me for help each day
and then be willing to take the help that comes my way
sometimes it means I have to put my willingness into action
or just simply sitting in silence and waiting

I am no longer suspended
but connected into the fabric of life

I wonder if you
ever wore your
heart on the
sleeve
of the shirt
I stole.

Regardless,
I'm sure
that there's space
for mine.

i will remember you

(i)
in your onitsuka shoes you were wearing when we reunited at taipei main station after three weeks of silence

(ii)  
in your old hoodie walking back toward me resiliently in the rain to give me an eskimo kiss after i repeatedly told you to leave

(iii)
in your skin that you slept in till dawn while beside you i wept from sheer fear of losing you

(iv)
in your spontaneity leaning into me leaning into you while we sang our thoughts to the waves crashing below us

(v)
in your unbridled passion when you kissed me for the very first time in the dark

*i will remember you

someone will come along
or maybe you'll come by again