I feel the emptiness you bring more tangibly than you, and perhaps I was a fool to believe there was a difference

I’d never felt my heart held so loosely

sometimes I feel like we’re writing the same words on a different page

I loved you,
But you never gave me a place to put it.

hope keeps me here, but her presence is heavy.

I know the cost

If only you let me love you
in the ways I dreamt I could

If only you could feel how delicate my fingers dance across your skin, how careful I am to trace the lines you set

I want more, and my head aches from the lack of escape
Each echo leaving its mark
In the walls of the only home
i’ve ever known

I want to let you in,
Why won’t you come in?
oh how I wish
How I wish you would knock

The in-between of it all,
You made a home there.
Every year just waiting for fall
Because it's the only time you don't feel so

disconnected

The summer is just too hot,
You'll say.
The winter's too cold.
I hear your words but what resonates is the way you don't look me in the eyes when they leave your lips.

And I get it,
And I'm not upset
And I know what it is you're afraid of,
And it's rational.
It's always

Rational

But grey isn't a place,
It's just the mixture of two
And I want to scream that fall won't last forever

But screaming feels like winter,
And you didn't bring your coat.
And kissing tastes like summer,
Which you've explained to me is exciting at first, but always
loses
it's spark

So I lay down,
Mimicking the leaves
That let go of their branches

And it gets me thinking about whether the branches let go too

You sigh
and I feel your body brush against mine,
Closing your eyes as I turn to them

I think of a way to tell you
that oak trees are just as beautiful with or without their leaves,

But as I take a breath
i find that sleep has found you first

So I look up at the ceiling,
the white walls reminding me of snow,
and I lay there wondering
if you'll ever let me
find you
first