Why the **** do I care about you so much?

Maybe it's because you've been in my life for so long

Or maybe it's because you were almost my first kiss

Or it's because of that night you held me

Or because I think I was the girl you talked about in that letter

Or because you were the first person to ever claim to be in love with me.

You were drunk when you first said it and I didn't believe you

Until three years later when you told my best friend about it

And you said the night you held me was the best night of your life

And I believed you.

I don't think you know what love is.

I don't think I do either.

I tell myself I love you.

I convince myself I don't.

I had a dream.
I was hoping you would show up.
You didn't, though.
You'd think i'd be used to disappointment.

But i'm not.
I'm still that hopeless dreamer that you left.

O Love, O pure deep Love, be here, be now,
Be all – worlds dissolve into your
       stainless endless radiance,
Frail living leaves burn with your brighter
        than cold stares –
Make me your servant, your breath, your core.