There comes a beautiful point where you let go.
Words become insignificant and blur together like tongues of fire or grains of sand.
People stop being people. They stand idle and demanding  like traffic signs.
Everyday-- always there-- expecting you to understand their stupendous.
Once you've let go of individuality, and embrace all of this,
You'll rub your calloused hands together, now feeling-less from all those years of hanging on.
You'll wrap your mind around your neck like a plain scarf, ready to walk
Out into the freezing insanity that is apathy.
And it'll all be beautiful again.

I stay up hours on end,
Just thinking.
They ask, about what?
They all ask
How are you?
How was your day?
Expecting the truth.
Yet every day
My response
Is the same.

I'm good, I say.
I'm alright, I say.
Will it ever change?
The ongoing lie?
Will I ever fit the image,
That everyone has of me?
That charming girl with the smiling face?

Darling,
I'm a liar.
I guess I've gotten pretty good.
Will I ever act the way I feel?
I wonder if I ever should.

I want to fight and read and drink and ****.

I want to stand once again on the beach just far out enough to where there is nothing in my sight but the sea.

I want to fall so far that I don't think I can ever stand up again.
And then I want to laugh, stand my *** up, and climb out.

I want to write and breathe and laugh and die.

But most of all,

I want to feel alive.




God ******.

Sometimes I just want to be reckless like folks my age tend to be.
Go out to bars, have too much to drink, find a friendly stranger to end the night with.
Will it help fill that empty space inside me?
No.
I think it would make the missing piece grow out of control.
I don’t want to be consumed by this.
This nothing.
Advice says I should be the one to make myself whole, but I’ve doubted that from the start.
Why does everyone think I’m such a strong person?
I don’t feel like it, not now.
It was easy to be strong when things were fine; I thought I could handle anything.
It seems I was wrong.
But I’m trying.
Really I am.
Yet my thoughts are inked with a poison.
Hate is far too controlling so I have caved to its powers.
I want to crush something.
Use my fists and expel all this aggression out on something that doesn't deserve it.
That’s probably not fair, but I've had enough of all this.
I've had enough of him.

We always want what we can not have, it is the greatest curse and sin.
Satisfying such a wish often admits the greatest pleasures;
Yet these treasures are not ones meant to indulge in.
Usually for reasons.
Usually to obtain the unobtainable
But once sustained can it remain sustainable?
Forbidden fruits can be the most deceiving;
They shine the brightest and look most appeasing
After the first bite can such a taste still be found pleasing?
It's an acquired delicacy,
Depends on your taste buds.
And how you like your juices.

Your eyes.
I can't stop writing about them.
I can't stop dreaming about them gleaming like sunlight beaming into the windows of my soul.
And I've been meaning to tell you-
Heighten the blinds.
I can't stop fiending to be the reflection in your infliction
The mirroring of eyes, my line of sight in your line of vision
Our pupils don't just collide, they cause a collision
And uh,
The precision of your gaze fogs all coherency to a haze
And it's seeming
There's a thousand words teeming off the levees of my lips
But you got me in a daze and the waves crash silent
See inside I'm screaming
They say the flames radiated from desire are the fires most violent
And I feel your vibes like radiation;
Hazardous to both mind and body.
Detrimental to the soul.
I believe in whole this is not an illusion
They say the eyes never hide from the truth
-and the truth never lies-
See, I've already eyed your eyes
I'm not convinced this is confusion
I've come to the conclusion that
If I confided in you,
Could you agree it's a delusion
You've been opening the window;
You want to be
Inside.

My teeth
Strolling along the beach of your lower lip
Tongues
Swimming in saliva waves,
I swim to you
Like Baywatch
Watching you
Is like announcing a severe weather alert
Urgently advising to take shelter
There's a storm on the horizon.
Clouds accumulating in your eyes
And
Precipitation down pouring between my thighs

those eyes

When clouds collide
The thunder transforms me.
Boom
Boom
Boom
My rib cage shatters.
Claws secured around your head
Fingers knotted in your dreads
Dragging you down, down
I want you to drown
Drown
I want you to struggle
To scream out in vain-
Your lips caress each syllable of my name
Like lightening.
Like lightening
The sunshine in your smile reminds me that
Naturally, the skys are blue
Meteorology eyes
Do you wonder too,
If the forecast will always be sunny?

the appropriate place
on this exam
to
explain to you the way
that my heart
stuttered in my chest
and my words retreated
when you bent over my desk,
in response to my upraised hand.

Surprised,
I found that suddenly
the only questions I had left
had little to do with History
and

Everything

to do with the way
your ***
looked in your jeans.