there is no getting rid of him

each day goes by and i wonder if i'm getting better or
losing myself in the hysteria

by now i thought he'd be dead, but each saving grace of his absence is met with my sorrow

and the devil always brings him back
******

a reminder that i failed

he is not mine, and i do not want him

if you are real, show me what it means to live
if you are real, take this heart and choke the blood out of it
if you are real, i ask you, to steal my breath and give it to the dying
who need it much more than i do

i am dead, i am dead
if there's anything i know, it's that i'm beyond saving

this is a plea to god,
who i know does not exist

i am in stasis, prisoner to the nightsky
and all his dreadfulness

laying, helpless - waiting
for someone to steal my heart and end this
senseless aching

no more pain shall be felt in the name of a ******
angel

the lord has no sympathy for those who speak with their eyes
i am deaf to the silence and my ears bleed everyday
tell me you were crying on the day i stopped loving you

watch me as satan's hellboys
laugh with glee
while they pull apart my rib cage

bone to bone

watch me wonder if the pain

is worse than the love i felt for you

tell me that in the wake of all this destruction,
i have been made stronger

a black pearl waiting to be torn from its home
some day i wont have to wait anymore

i am a disguise, the haze on a dew-dressed morning, the tears on the faces of the brokenhearted

i am the moon in all its mysticism, the star out of place, the quiet before the release - that never came

my life is sitting on the edge of a cliff and waiting for someone to pull me away or push me over

my life is laying in bed, thinking at 4 am about why i am so alone, hopeless, and lost

i'm starting to think i'll always be this way

there must be a purpose: a curse or a hex, some devil put me here to suffer

i want love, i want happiness, i want to be more than just another lost boy


my life is sitting on the edge of a cliff
waiting
for the sun to die

i
break

i am the ash of a holiday fire
in a house
not a home

the wind whisks me away and
the remnants of my essence
sit crying
by the void

sobbing to black mirrors and shadows
in plain daylight

my eyes no longer see clearly
the emptiness is all i hear

the sound of a door closing
leaving a life i
never wanted anyway

in
toward the darkness that engulfs souls and
forces the eye to peer
into oblivion

dare i look into
my hell and turn my back to the hollow world
as i know it

out

amongst the blackness, amongst
the fear
is
the unknown

in

times like these i wonder
when i'll start seeing light again

out

lies are only lies to those who know
i've watched the lights flick out of the brightest eyes.
  light but no shadow

cloaked by thunder and into the murky river's flow
some tell others the dark is only right at night
   lies are only lies to the ones that know

death clinically reaps and sows
   men, women, and children all break the same
    light but no shadow

  the living walk blind, their hearts show
  shades of gray, and with grief on its way, right or wrong: they will grow
     lies are only lies to the ones that know

and if i were to bleed for tomorrow
  my wound would ooze grey, dripping into the far and unknown
    light but no shadow

the sun and moon do not glow the same glow
on the shade that would reveal that good isn't always good
   and lies are only lies to those who know
    light but no shadow

you got those eyes from the gorgons themselves
big and begging
to be seen

the pools of coal abyss are your pupils and they form into
cerberus's frothy, unpure mouths

gnashing and howling until the
bloodletting roars
devour me