Why do I
Let these feelings eat me inside
Why do I
Fall in love to easy
Always put my faith in a girl
Only to be let down
I guess I got let down
Guess I have to write this out
Get these emotions out
Before I go harming myself
Before I go scarring my heart
It's a little too late for I'm sorry
It's a little too late
When all you've done is ignore me

Do you know how it feels to worry
Do you know how it feels to doubt yourself
Because every time all I think about am I doing
The right things
Am I saying the things you want to hear
I'm sitting alone in the dark
Thoughts invade my mind
I've really done it this time

Should have known
I was only gonna fail again
Girls out of my league
I should have seen
Where it was this would lead
Guess that makes me a fool
For trusting you too much
Should have known I would fail again
Yeah I should have seen this coming

Life's ****** up
Should have known better
Than to think I could find love
When I'm destined to be alone
I grasped a small light of hope
Only to be wrong again
Should have never believed
It could have been you with me
Should have never believed
I should have seen
You could do a million times better than me

Do you know how it feels to worry
Do you know how it feels to doubt yourself
Because every time all I think about am I doing
The right things
Am I saying the things you want to hear
I'm sitting alone in the dark
Thoughts invade my mind
I've really done it this time

Should have known
I was only gonna fail again
Girls out of my league
I should have seen
Where it was this would lead
Guess that makes me a fool
For trusting you too much
Should have known I would fail again
Yeah I should have seen this coming

©2017 Written By Benji James

I don't like the way this feels most days.
Can you believe I don't like such complexity?
Why is my affection never simple?
Never just one-sided; instead,
It's a moon with phases, with changes
Too unpredictable to pencil down.
It used to be spring tides or none at all
But I've been getting tamer ones lately.
If it does crash, it does so politely, lightly
Carressing my shore with waves of affection.

Sometimes I forget to worry.
Sometimes I forget how heavy-handed I can be,
How easily I can hurt, despite
The dulling of my edges;
And I do this for some people
My affection wants to keep.
I admit it's not the wisest thing I do.
The shackles hurt a lot more
When you jump too far,
Thinking you can make it.

Still, I wonder if that might be better.
I do not like my anxiety, but
I don't like being absentminded in this either.
I do not like not knowing, not holding
The reins of my affection, my hurricane affliction
I do not like the way this feels most days.
I do not like the thought of hurting you.
I do not like it when this moon is new
but I must say, I do like the way you want this, too.

Pills and guns
Is what they did for fun
Violence crawled their minds
Only separation was to find
These tendencies are coming alive
Carried in the wind like a bee hive
She was the first
To realize her ****** thirst
He was the second
To realize he was demented
They each took their ways of violence
And when he died, she was silent
She smiled to know he was safe
In heaven where he could relate
To the victims that had lost their life
At the hand of one man's knife
This was her best wish to him
All she wanted was him to give in
To the regret he had felt
In order to make something else
But that all had passed
Her love never would last
To end all her pain
She grabbed a knife
And cut her vain

It slips through our fingers.
At the end of it all,
there will be only a few
questions.

Did you love enough?
Did you give everything you could?
Did you spend your life on what mattered?

It rules us all.
Careful it does not pass you by
while you are busy sleeping.

I have a lover
He's my best friend undercover

I've known him since junior high
He's my childhood sweetheart there's no deny

He's been my backbone
Through thick and thin never letting me stand alone

He's tall, handsome, long, he's exciting especially after a good night of *** igniting

When I eat a wonderful supper
Oh yeah he's there with a Dr Pepper

My lover knows my husband
Shhh don't worry he knew when he auditioned

My lover was with me when I got the news
I have to tell my lover that it's over before the cruise

We have been inseparable since we was eleven
It's really hard to let him go twenty-four seven

I'm gonna have to be strong and let my lover go
I bet he'll say no

I love you, don't leave me
Because we'll be off key

My lover has a name
I'm not ashamed

I've been playing Russian roulette
I call him cigarette

I've worked so hard
to blend into the woodwork
I knitted myself
an invisibility cloak
and I wear it
everywhere I go

because if they can't
see me
then they can't hurt me

one of these days
when my nightmares
stop killing me

maybe I will begin
to reappear again

one day you will
find a girl who will scoop you whole
she will expand her arms knowing the giant that you are
and not feel tired holding it
she will tame the seas inside of you,
and hush the demon that is in you
one day
you will
find a girl who will nurture you true
she will bend low knowing **** well the hobbit that you are
and not feel little standing beside it
she will tuck your hair
out of your face
and say
she is staying
she is staying
you are not something for her to leave
and she will make a bed out of you
knowing she can make a throne out of someone new
but
she will make
a tiny
lovely warm bed
out of you
and she'll stay
she'll stay


don't leave her