What you need,
is someone who will place a finger upon your heart's lips and silence the words that always tumble out.

Someone who says, shush. Don't you hear that?

What you need,
is someone who gently turns your head towards the source of the sound. The sound of waves breaking gently upon the shore.
The quiet sound of your heart rearranging itself.

What you need,
is someone who presses their palms across your eyes.

Someone who says, don't look. Just listen.
And you do listen. You hear more than the sound of waves crashing.

You hear someone's heartbeat beating faster than your own.
You hear someone's eyelashes fluttering closed against the back of your neck.
You hear someone's breathless words being brought to life against your lips.

I love you. Can't you see?
Yes, I see. Even in the darkness of my own heart, I see.

I will rip, rip, rip, you apart.
Shreds of your skin, dangling from my ****** hand -
red velvet spreading slowly across the floor and drip, drip, dripping ever so slowly.

You took your last breath moments ago, but I hold it in my opposite hand - I can feel it trapped in your windpipe. A warm murmur, a sad stirring of hope that believes it's honestly going to go somewhere. It's not.

I will rip that breath out of your throat the same way I took claim of your heart - raw flesh sticking to my fingertips and hot blood coursing down my arms. So messy. You're so ******* messy.

When I'm done taking back what is mine, I'll burn whatever remains of your body. Your love. Your hate. Your foolishness. And - I'll stand over the flames and laugh, laugh, laugh with your heart and your voice in my hands.

Mine - forever.

Little girl, I am crying for you. You should be living a life full of love - a life protected by good hearts.

Big girl, I am crying for you. You should not be crying alone in bed at night - someone should be there to hold you when you are sad.

Mom, I am crying for you. Your heart should not be breaking for me - I want to be with you always. I am with you always, but we are also too far apart.

Sister, I am crying for you. I haven't done the best that I could and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please take my apology in the darkness.
I will try to bring the light back to you.

Between wet tongues and rose petals -
underneath sweeping eyelashes and fallen eyes,
I love you still, now, and always.

When I clutch the empty covers next to me, I'm really clutching you -
your chest is on mine and our hearts are beating together. Every pluck of a red petal from its stem, from its home, is me coming back to you.

I pluck. You love me.
You pluck. I love you.

Back and forth until our mouths are red and raw - petals themselves and swollen from falling into desire. Kiss me again.

Mind, heart, and body -
three parts of me that don't recognize the girl in the mirror any longer.

My mind is my mother:
a beautiful maze underneath the sun that has a pond at the center. A pond filled with lotus flowers and surrounded by stray crows that watch the calm water.

My mind is my mother in the sense that we see the world for how it really is and we love it just the same. Our tears nourish the lotus flowers in the water and the lotus gives us life in return.

My body is my father:
a figure made out of hollow bones and broken from too many beatings. Attacks that always came from familiar hands and a voice that used to sing us to sleep at night.

My body is my father in the sense that we see the world for how it really is and we hate it just the same. We neglect food and sleep because those are merely distractions. We know what is truly important.

And my heart. What is there to say about my heart?
My heart has always been unapologetically me.

And who are you?

I am...
I am...
I am...
I am not the person in the mirror. The crow cries in the middle of the night because the mirror is filled with lies. I am not that person any longer.

I am a mind, a heart, and a body in this world but you know me as I really am.

You left a long time ago -
the most beautiful part of my life ended and I was left in the shadow of a scorching sun,
in the embrace of an unforgiving ground,
in the care of a love that was no longer an oasis.

You left last night -
the sky became dark,
the ground turned cold,
and my love burned out.

All I wanted was for you to stay and if that was too much to ask for, then I just wanted to feel your heart one last time. Just one last time.

I've been in the ground for years but everything still comes back to you -
the rain has come and it's beckoning me. Come out. The sun is no longer around. It isn't cold. Rather, it is a warm night.

The rain is heavy and persistent but it only wants one thing. It wants to look for you. So what will I do? What can I do?

I'll let the rain wash me away, away, away...
and maybe it will lead me back to the ocean. Back to you.

More than anything, I love you.

When the ground beneath us broke apart and we struggled to breathe, I was glad. I was glad because you were there with me.

I wouldn't have survived if our hands weren't interlocked, if our voices hadn't found each other. Do you remember what you said?

It's going to be okay. I know it will. One day, we'll be okay.

I think you were right because the ground has stopped breaking and I can breathe evenly now. The only thing I haven't been able to face yet is the empty space beside me.

No, I won't look. If I don't look, then you're not really gone.
I'll keep repeating the words you said only because I miss your voice. Miss the swipe of your fingers along my palm.
Miss what life was like before the world ended.