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Nathan Pival Dec 2019
If I was to tell you
There was a way to love
That was right
I would be wrong

But I've been wrong
A lot

Sometimes you're wrong
And that doesn't make you wrong
But with love
We're only wrong
Until we're right

Which is most of the time

I don't know what I'm doing
And I don't expect someone
To put up with my *******
My pain or hurt
I am not that unique
And none of us are

Our pain is the only thing
That makes us universal
Yet we argue
And debate whose is greater

We are only human
And once adults, broken
Never lose your empathy
Or your own heart

But never,
I, repeat, never
Give someone's happiness
More value than your own
Besides your children

Tomorrow, is a day
With, or without sunshine
You can smile or not
But, I promise
That, is a choice
Nathan Pival Dec 2015
She ****** my **** and fell in love
I mentioned that it was a bad idea
That I was broken and not ready
She pushed for us to go steady
I found myself not listening
As I had already predicted
Yet she kept on keeping on
And wouldn't leave it alone
Trying to fix me and change me
I knew from the start that wouldn't happen
But in the end
She still ******
She was the one that needed fixed
Nathan Pival Jun 2015
We can't escape our fate
But it's never too late
To reconciliate
And choose to love
Instead of hate

When burned
It's easy to judge
But no one is perfect
And life is too short to bear a grudge
Nathan Pival Jul 2015
When I told you
That I loved you
I wasn't lying to you
I was lying to myself
Living the fantasy I wanted
Truth is
It wasn't real
Nathan Pival Jun 2015
Grass stains
Growing pains
Tetherball
Kickball
New swear words
Detention

Girlfriends
Best friends
Pizza parties
Saying "No" to drugs
(Eventually saying "Yes")
Ketchup on the ceiling at lunch
Detention

Pencil stuck in the ceiling
Detention

Scraped knees
Snowball fights
Fist fights
Detention

Life's lessons
Early on
Dealing with bullies
Being a bully
Detention

Being stubborn
But growing up
Learning things the hard way

Detention
Completely and utterly about elementary school.
Nathan Pival May 2016
A series of die rolls
And you still ended up being you
What's the chance of that?
Nathan Pival May 2016
Just wanting to hear your voice
To know that you were there
And would listen when I would call
The truth was
There wasn't anyone at the other end of the line anymore
Your line had been disconnected
I never got to say goodbye
I just didn't want to hang up
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
Make it, grow it, feel it
Love it, work it, do it
Say it, mean it, be it
Hold it, caress it, endure it
Question it, solve it, understand it
Nurture it, direct it, protect it
Smile for it, live for it, die for it
Cry for it, blush for it, never deny it
Nathan Pival Jul 2015
Without restriction
Blinded by lust and love
I took your virginity
Never to be undone

I pushed the first domino
Unknowing of the journey ahead
Or the repercussions of my deed
I don't judge you
For the choices you've made
The things you can't take back
But I judge myself
For pushing that first domino

To watch you
Sails unfurled
Rudder missing
As you ran rampant
With no direction
As the other dominos fell
Was heartbreaking

I know it was exploration
But you deserved more
Nathan Pival Oct 2015
Even though I was there to hold your hand
You forgot about me
And went to another, instead

I was there for you when you were broken
I broke myself to pick up your pieces
But you went to another, instead

The games you played
I never knew the rules
I always lost
And I was the fool

I kept forgiving you
Wanting love to be reciprocated too
No matter what we had invested
You still wanted something new

There is no point
In giving your all
When there is nothing left
So long as doing your best
Isn't enough
Don't trip and fall

Sometimes
It's okay to say goodbye
Don't give up
Don't blame yourself
It's okay
Tomorrow is a new day
Nathan Pival Feb 2016
I've told you once
I've told you before
You are the one I want
And no more

You have some things
Not of my desire
But you have everything
Of what I do want

Within you
Is the person I've been searching for
You are the first
To sate my fire

You are my love
And my heart

NO matter what
You can always talk to me

Just don't be stupid
And don't disrespect me

I don't ask much
But I ask that of you

The love I have for you
Will always exist
So I hope you care for it
And nurture it

I want to help you grow
Nathan Pival Mar 2015
Ever feel like
You missed the train
To the rest of your life?

Stuck at a station
Where you've already seen
All of the sights

Wanting to travel
Away from the old
On to something new

Destination unknown
Down the line
Headed to

Opportunity will sometime hide
Watching and waiting
For that second chance
To catch the train
And ride
Duh
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
Duh
No one ever said beauty
Was in the eye of a waist
Shut your heart and eye up

How do you feel about yourself?
It's not easy but give someone a chance

Be you
Be brave enough to feel yourself
Please! and I trust you
That isn't what free is

Free is being a good person without being asked or expected to be
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Kiss me
And take my mind away from here
Each kiss was an escape
A break from reality

Kiss me
And take my heart on vacation
Teach me how to forget
There has ever been pain

Kiss me
And tell me with your lips
What it means to touch
A wish on a star's tips

A kiss from you
Was nothing short of a rescue
The light they shown upon my path
Delivered me home

© Nathan Pival 2016
Nathan Pival Feb 2016
You're mad at me
Because I'm not in love with you
But that takes time

I don't bow to anyone
except for one

I appreciate you and who you are as a person
But loving you still takes time
Don't judge yourself so harshly
We live in a real world
And it's time you got real with yourself

I'm flattered that you find me that lovable
But I'm not truthfully
It's very easy
To fall in love with me
But not to love me for me
That is something every potential needs to know

I realize this and do my best to be honest
But it still isn't enough to keep me
From breaking hearts

Love just doesn't come as easily for me
As it may have for you

I apologize for letting you fall in love with me
I am not worth it
Because I am in love with another
This isn't arrogance.  I write poetry and am attractive.  FML.
Nathan Pival May 2016
My heart skipped a beat
Not once, but twice!
In her presence I felt weak
On the edge of my seat
Vulnerable and nervous
I was afraid to talk
Not knowing what to say
"How are you doing today?"
And that seemed to be okay
She smiled the sweetest smile
It's direction was obvious
It's purpose intentional
I fell victim to it's power
And I knew at that very moment
That I would fall in love with her
I already had
Nathan Pival Jan 2015
Constantly searching
Not even knowing what to look for
Just knowing that something is missing
A constant quest to find someone or something
To fill an empty hole inside
Nothing feels complete
Just a pull to keep searching
And find what it is that I'm looking for
Looking for a familiar face
In a crowd of familiar faces
Not knowing who it is that you're missing
Home but lost
Forever searching
Just looking for what is supposed to be there
But unknown emptiness
And the hunger it pulls
To have a full life
And feel complete
Whole again
Nathan Pival Oct 2014
Distant memories
Of times long past
Voices forgotten
Some faces too
These moments in our lives
Don't always last
They stay fleeting
But will never die
The sounds of adults laughing
And familiar music with unknown meaning
Catching lightning bugs
Like it's the first and last summer of our young lives
The glow of the moon
Brightly gleaming
This feeling of freedom will never be replaced
A world of promise and opportunity
Up for the taking
Ignorant to the knowledge
The cage of our innocence
Is slowing breaking
Without realizing what is at stake
Or even
There is a limit
To our invincible days
At this very point
Beauty and love
Will not hide from us
It is in all shapes and forms
To breathe in and see
And touch and absorb
In this very moment in time
The world is ours
Yours and mine
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Every now and then
It can feel good to be alive
To be happy to be yourself
To feel thankful
To be the one that walks in your shoes

These days only come every now and then
So we have to make the most of them
They give us strength for when the days aren't so kind
When the tears well up in our eyes
And everything has us feeling overwhelmed
Maybe not that loved or appreciated
Or just downright defeated

It's the memories of those days
That only come every now and then
Where it feels special to be alive
To keep us in our place
To keep our feet on the ground

To just know that it's not so bad
Every now and then
Nathan Pival Sep 2015
Everyone makes mistakes
Loved ties come undone
Trapped in the past
Tomorrow will never come
Letting regret go
No matter how long ago

Sometimes things feel like a voodoo curse
But everyone makes mistakes
Never forget, it always could have been worse

It is never as bad as it seems
A positive perspective, a must
Without it
The downward spiral will never end
Everyone makes mistakes
You have to forgive yourself first to mend
Nathan Pival Aug 2015
My favorite lie
Is to be told that everything is going to be alright
To feed that hope that things will get better
Somehow life will be perfect one day
This is a beautiful lie
It tricks you and comforts you
In a time of need
No one talks about it
But we know the truth
This lie gets us through the mess
One more push to get through this
On to tomorrow
The next day
The next struggle
But don't let it get to you
Everything is going to be alright
Nathan Pival Dec 2015
Excuse me, miss
I couldn't help but notice you
You were a ray of light
Projecting through the darkness

You have a certain air about you
That I cannot miss
Your energy flows beautifully
And your smile tells all

Whatever you've got going on
I recognize your happiness
That is more than you know
Or maybe
You just know

The way you laugh and smile
Reminds me of other times
That I am terrified of forgetting
Because I have been there too

I try to hide my smile
Because I understand
But you caught me

The words only mean so much
I'm talking with my hands
European blood
But I still wait and contemplate
Nathan Pival Jan 2016
Every time I see you,
I fall in love again.
Nathan Pival Jun 2015
They have our backs
Drive us crazy
Judge us but love us
Sometimes
They are the most ****** up people
We will ever meet

People walk into
Sometimes run into
Our lives
Let them in
Or let them go

Family isn't like that though

Some of them are crazy
And you gotta love them
Some of them are *******
      Including myself, sometimes
And you gotta love them

In the end
They're still family
Nathan Pival Oct 2014
Gauging the difference
Between what is real
And what is faux
It's hard to tell anymore
Even people are fake
With feigned interest
They smile and pretend
To be your friend
A dangerous world
Living amongst all these fakes
Acting ability they do not lack
Where do you run to
When no one has your back
Look past the outer shell
To see what lies within
A heaven or hell
A friend
Or enemy
Hiding behind a mask
The ability to see what is true
Shouldn't be such a task
Nathan Pival May 2015
Nine months of wanting to be somewhere else
A quest and yearning for home
A countdown of days
Waiting and waiting
Surviving and avoiding death
Every day that passes
A little bit closer to home
Knowing my son is growing in my absence
Wondering if I will see him again
Will he grow up like me?
Without a dad?

Finally home
But things don't feel the same
Like looking through a stained glass window
Familiar faces
Familiar places
But distorted and untrue
Home doesn't feel like home anymore
I feel out of place
And don't know what to do

People ask me if I'm fine
But I lie through a feigned smile
I realize I can't relate to anyone anymore
And especially
That they can't relate to me at all

I am alone
Surrounded by the people that love me

People thank me for my service
But I feel guilty for surviving
When others didn't
This is about my time spent in Iraq while in the US Army and how I felt when I got back home.  I didn't even realize at the time that I had PTSD.  Time is the best medicine and things have gotten better but I haven't forgotten.
Nathan Pival Jul 2015
Why is so hard to find
When it's right in front of you
It rides on your back
And it's bringing you down
You keep hiding it like it's a secret
But it's as obvious as ever
You're so transparent
I don't see you anymore
All I ever wanted from you
Was one thing
In your eyes
You may feel it's alright
But the more you stray
The worse it gets
And you're getting so lost
No one will be able to help you
Find your way back
You're burying yourself
In a hole you keep digging
The respect I had for you
Is slipping away
You are imprisoning yourself
Behind a wall of lies
All I ever wanted was the truth
It will set you free
Nathan Pival Dec 2015
For all it's worth
Sometimes no matter
How hard you try
It won't be enough
The trick is to never give up
No matter how many times you fall
Nathan Pival Oct 2020
Feeling lost sitting at home
I've been on autopilot so long
I'm making tracks in my carpet
Nothing but a figurative circle

I keep telling myself
It will be okay
It's only temporary
You are not alone

And I know
This is just how life is sometimes
But that doesn't take the pain away

Sometimes you don't even need a reason to hurt
Your brain just starts to send the wrong signals
I am writing right now and it doesn't matter if it *****
I am speaking to no one and to everyone
Just to not feel so alone

I'm not afraid to cry
But I'm tired of feeling like crying
It's a melancholy thing I suppose
And even if it doesn't feel good
I'm still appreciative of the ability to feel

This isn't a matter of actually being alone
I just feel like a stranger in my own skin
People are trying to help me
And I'm not denying it

It's only temporary, right?
I'm obviously in a state of depression right now.  I used to write a lot and it was very therapeutic for me so this is a forced attempt to start again.
Nathan Pival Dec 2015
You must not realize
How much you are hurting me
Unless you are trying to
In which case
I don't get it

We all have our faults
Weaknesses and shorts
I have mine
I've never denied them
I am more than aware

But
You are hurting me
Again and again

Why would you do such a thing?
I don't think I deserve it
But maybe I do
Is there something I missed?

Did I do something wrong?
Or are you taking out
Past love's agressions
On me?

You are a ****** fool
If you keep this up
This type of action
Will only make you
Continue to lose
And ultimately
End up, alone

I have done my best
To be unselfish with you
And I still am

But you are breaking my heart
Way more than I can handle
Or deserve

I am a good man
Even if I'm not enough of a man
For you

I think
That is your problem
Not mine
I think you need to ask yourself
How much of a woman
You can handle to be
At least where you are
Right now

Regardless
We can't end things like this
If we do
It will only be both of our loss
Swimming in forever regret
Nathan Pival Jan 2016
It's been so long
That's I've forgotten many things
Pertaining to you

What you smell like
How it felt to be next to you
The joy you used to put in my heart
These things aren't necessarily forgotten
But their memory has lost it's meaning
And that part of my life now seems unreal

I remember when we parted ways
That I felt lost and that I was confused
About what the future may hold
Falling in love again, with someone else
Seemed impossible at the time

Yet, here I am now
Wondering why I ever even fell in love with you
To begin with

When the heat of the moment was gone
There wasn't enough left to make it worthwhile

I won't disgrace our time together
By saying it was a waste of time
But I know now that true love
Is unforgettable

I've forgotten so much about you
Nathan Pival Oct 2014
Bruised and confused
Not much left to lose
The fork in the road
Which path to choose
The worst times
I leave behind
To begin again
And let the sunshine shine through
An end is another's starting block
Feed me lies
It's better than reality
I ask too much
The lines we've drawn
Bring too much clarity
You murdered love
And stuck me with a curse
Of not forgetting
Wanting change
And forgiveness
Honest attempt at being my best
Man, father, brother, son, friend
Throwing regret into the gutter
Nathan Pival Mar 2016
A lady
Her scars were hidden
The ******* that had burned her
Left her to deal with it on her own

Tears shed
Stubborn and strong
Never being broken
She was a woman

Along came a man
Someone who said hello
Honestly
She felt vulnerable because of him

He saw this
And held her
"It's okay baby"
"I won't let anyone hurt you"
Were the words out of his mouth

He meant it

A real man takes care of his woman
And will carry all of her baggage

Always.
Nathan Pival Oct 2015
One of my dreams growing up
Was to end up being a father and a family man
When I heard you were on your way
Was one of the first wishes
I was ever granted

I missed most of your first year
Because I was overseas
Although not a day went by
Without you on my mind

I came home
And watched you grow
Your smile and laughter
Reminded me of the innocence
I had lost while I had been gone

I may have not been the perfect father to you
But you have been the perfect son
You taught me how to be patient again
How to love and let someone in
There were times when I felt
You were the only one that understood me
And you were just a little baby

When you came into the world
Everything became a little more scary
Reality and priorities changed
Because I had to protect you from the evils
You also gave me hope
That the world wasn't that bad off
Because it had people like you in it

You patted my back when I was sad
You told me, "Everything is going to be alright, Dad"
You meant it and I believed you

I call you "future man" all the time
But the truth is,
You are a better man than most I've met

I am here for you
Always and forever
I am trying to be the man
For you to emulate
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
My hunger for recipricated love
Had left me starving
I was famished because I had been left without
Too much at once could **** me
I had to take it slow
So unfamiliar to me
I couldn't even remember how to do it properly
Out of place
Out of mind
Out of patience
Out of time
Wondering if this circus will ever end
Keep on giving
Never receiving
I'm setting a trend
All I want
Is to get what I give
Nathan Pival Aug 2015
You have quite the selection
Your customer base
Have lived a life of rejection
With pocket change to spare
Head to the ghetto shop
In your local hood
To get your under-quality good

Your forty options are near endless
To sate the alcoholism of the hopeless
Everywhere I turn
There is a security camera
Mainly to record
A niche in a world
Lacking glamour

The coin-tilt game that I see kids playing on
Surely can't be legal
Yet they flock there
To open pavement
As a seagull

The hood respects you
And needs you
Even though your necessities are seriously overpriced
The lack of a car or high gas prices
Creates your demand
Your convenience
Makes quality get sacrificed

Should a drug addict or otherwise desperate soul
Try to rob you blind
They will be lucky to end up serving time
Because you are ninja hiding in the open

Sounds like a stereotype or cliche
But it's most definitely true
The ghetto shop exists
And will treat you like a friend
Always, "Thank you, come again"
Nathan Pival Dec 2015
The ghosts of my past
Continue to haunt me
They stalk in the night
As I try for sleep

Slowly into my thoughts
Their presence made known to only me
Reminding me of heartaches
Of what my eyes can't unsee

I fight them with hope
And sometimes that is enough
I am left alone for a while
But it never seems to last

I never seem able
To fully defeat the ghosts of my past
Nathan Pival Mar 2016
I understand
All of our time is short
What it means to say goodbye
Is something we all only learn
Once someone is gone

The good and the bad
Happy and sad
The proud and the frown
Waiting and wanting
Sitting and forgetting

What matters is being a good person
And knowing how to say goodbye

Goodbye
I have lost.  We all have.  There needs to be more poems written about it.  Just saying.  I could write all day about this.
Nathan Pival Jan 2016
It's difficult to say goodbye
Especially to you
I knew parting ways wasn't forever
So I said it as we kissed
Even though it hurts
It's nice to know you're missed
Nathan Pival Jul 2015
One last embrace
As the world burns
A goodbye to yesterday
To welcome tomorrow
The end of a beginning
To sail upon a sea of possibilities
Watching the past
Breathe it's last
Accepting the future
Even though it's uncertain
Knowing that one foot forward
Is a step in the right direction
Bringing down the house
To build a city
Towards the horizon
The path I walk
Destination unknown
To harvest the seeds I've sown
Destruction is a form of creation.
Nathan Pival Aug 2023
I'm ready to start writing again.
It's here
I have something to say
Probably some ******* or nothing that matters
It may always matter
I don't know
Just wondering if I lay my head down
Will I be a better man tomorrow?
We're all a little broken
It's okay to think about yourself
But what do you need?
What do you want?
What is the point?
Are you okay with being okay?
The sky will always be blue
Long night, feeling reflective after seeing my son
Nathan Pival Aug 2015
Smash stuff around
Be angry
Your primal emotion
Things aren't fair and you're upset about it
Stomp on others
Spread your negativity
It is contagious
Your vibe is ******* with us all

You are a grown baby
Nothing can make you happy
You wouldn't know happiness
If it landed in your lap
Free costs too much
Nothing takes too much
Compassion is selfish
An easy day is too hard

The best you have is pretend
That is all on you

You're so full of ****
It smells

You'll never get enough mother's milk
You big, ******* baby
Keep *******
Nathan Pival Sep 2015
Sometimes it's hard to find
The time
To be kind
Always about what's mine
Tightroping a fine line
A dinner better cooked than dined
It's not my fault
I drank too much wine
Maybe that's a sign
To slow down
Weigh options
Value to pound
King, no crown
Sometimes
The best music
Has no sound
What we want
Is sometimes lost
Then found
Who we hold we hold close
Make up what matters most
Stand up and be
Let rhythm rhyme
Let freedom be free
Nathan Pival Mar 2015
You acted like
You wanted a piece of my heart
And I offered it up

For some reason
You took all of it
Even though I thought
It was locked away
And safe

Point is
I want it back
I deserve that
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Just about as stubborn
As she is beautiful
Her soul is old
Like mine
And that is fine
Nathan Pival Aug 2015
I'm sorry I was gone when this started
Not my fault for that
But I feel like I wasn't there for you

I know life is tough
And escape is tempting
I do it myself

Wrong place
Wrong time
Don't know the details
Don't need to
Fact is
You succumbed and it got you

It brought you down
Almost everyone has turned their back
On you
And I know that pushes you down

But I am here for you
I know you
And I love you
I want good things to happen for you
I am forgiving and understand
What I can

Life isn't a bunch of ice cream cones
Or trips to the zoo
A long Sunday drive
A barbeque

Life is painful sometimes
Real painful
We all need an escape
A break from what's bringing us down
I get that

All I really want you to know
Is that I'm here for you

If you need someone to stop you
I can do that for you
If you need someone to talk to
I can do that for you
If you need to unload on someone
I am that person

Please
Let me be a point of light in the darkness
I can help you find your way if you're lost
And I will guide you back
Nathan Pival Oct 2015
Sometimes we forget
That it isn't easy
We all judge
But we forget

Disney movies
Tell us everything should be perfect
When you want it most
It will come to you
Real life tells us otherwise

I don't expect perfection
I know we are flawed
And that is where true beauty lies
In understanding
And not judging
(Grammar helps)

Everyone hurts
There's too much pain out there
No reason to give in
Keep it in perspective

****** days
Bad times
Lame lines
Hurtful signs

Noone can hurt you
As much as you can yourself

Just dig in and know
The roots are deeper than that
Being stubborn never was so stubborn
And that's okay

Take responsibility for yours
And give cheers for others
You are not alone
If is very selfish to think that

We are here with you.
Never (again) alone

Sometimes you have to work for it
Sometimes it's just about being yourself
Someone will want that
Even if someone before, didn't

Don't give up
Don't give in
Look up to the stars
Believe
In what the heavens hand
And give

You are a true friend
And I love you with all of my heart
Through these times while you're being tested
It's not worth giving up
Over what you've invested

Never
Nathan Pival Oct 2015
Where you live
Isn't always an option
A beautiful thing, really
Without, where would the children go?

An escape
They are searching for
All you have to do is offer
They are small businessmen
Looking to make a buck
They are tired of their family being dry

Just let them know that there is something
Out there besides...
What they know
They are looking for more  than the most privileged do
It's about the men they know
Lacking of what they show

Kids want what they think is perfect
Once they don't get it
They rebel
I've been an ******* since the day I knew Santa wasn't real
All I wanted was to be told the truth

You were only a child
I got lost in
My own troubles
I didn't forget about you
But I got lost

Please understand
I am
Only
A man
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
The idea was very novel
That I should write words
Again and again
To find new ways to tell you
How much I loved you
Turning something intangible
Into something so beautiful
It hurt to fully absorb it
How many ways can I find
To tell you how I love you?
The prospects are endless
As is my endearing affection for you
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
It was so nice
Just to see how
Your hair lays
Upon your shoulders
Not a huge thing
But maybe
It is to me
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